Ritual 155

As I began to write my daily Ritual I am sure that I have shared this with you before!  But for the last 155 days I have recorded words that I hear and those thoughts that swim around in my head.  It is so very hard for me not to listen to the words but I figured that these messages are only for me…but then I am thinking hmmm…how I can be so selfish!  How would I know actually that they are just for me?  So that is why at this very moment right now I am typing this.  If you can visualize my nerdy picture that I have on this blog and me sitting up straight as an arrow typing away that is exactly what I want you to see!  Because that is Dawn the very sole part of me that express and records the Rituals each and every day.  Gosh I have grown so much from Day1 until now.  But today at 155 a cord was struck deep within!  An epiphany of Dawn, the rising of the sun as in early morning (gosh the sun is so bright you may want to put on some shades)!

You have been fully introduced and made aware of my sunrise and sunset as in meditation in the morning and evening.  That is how I rise and how I rest.  This part of my existence has given me a connection that is intensely deep and I cannot fathom not partaking in this each and every day of my life, my journey…the path before me!

For some reason today I have felt an enormous feeling of gratitude and thankfulness that has surpassed any feelings that I have ever felt.   I actually had to sit and quite my mind to figure out just exactly what was going on.  Now everyone has beliefs or non beliefs in accordance to religions, private practices that have been embedded in us from inception.  As a child we get our knowledge and knowing from our parents because that is what they know and that is what they will provide to us as they received it from their parents and so on down the line.   I tried to just gather in my head where all of this happiness and the light that I was feeling was coming from.  I guess that I can describe it as feeling the warm rays of the sun beaming on my body giving me an orange, glow or hue a glistening if you will.  And for clarity NO I am not having nor had a hot flash either hahahahaha!!!

Then it finally hit me this is not a unique feeling…unusual perhaps (gosh has it been that long) as I can’t remember the last time that I felt like this.  All I know is that this is the greatest feeling ever (smile) and I would like to feel like this every day!  As I was guided on my very own personal cloud into my office/tent I knew that there was a meaning to this all.  And oh boy you know what that means …words in my head, transcribing onto paper via pen (Ritual 155) which leads to typing it out to bring it to you to read, ponder, embrace or just say “oh well another blog from Dawn” LOL!

Believe me I don’t take it personal but this is my form of expression that has allowed me to express and build up courage for my book or should I say books that I have already written.

So getting back to that feeling…GRATITUDE, THANKFUL FOR…

Call me weird but I finally figured it out I am protected by my spirit guides with the presence of angels and the universal power YAY!  I got it I am aware and that is the knowing which gives me the feeling of Gratitude!

Aware+Knowing+Feeling=Gratitude

I have been made aware of a power that is greater than I!  It is not something that I can see but I can feel and acknowledge in my very own way.  So I am figuring everything that I have read, heard or soaked in as a sponge has slowly been at the surface waiting for me to have that moment.  To have that “AHH Moment” as Oprah would say!  It is the moment when everything comes to be united as one (the light comes on) or when it clicks.  As I sat at my desk and began to write the words…this is what flowed from the heavens above through my being to you!

I am so in awe of the greatness of the patience and kindness that you give me. Today is a day that I honor you all.  I am honoring you today and it brings a smile on my face and happiness in my heart that gives me a glow.  I love you so much because at a time when you were destitute I stood by you. When you felt you didn’t have a voice I was your words. When you couldn’t see I was your vision, your legs to walk and your heart to feel! 

With all of these components of life that has brought me here today of love of myself that I never even knew existed.  Within that form of knowing and the overwhelming feeling of warmth…

Who I am

What I am

Who I was

What I have become in the present

The journey that I am on now

And the future that awaits me…

I am guessing that no matter how many descriptive words that I can use or pictures that I can post each experience is unique! You will surely know the presence which will take you to your “AHH Moment” in Life!  There is not a specific age, venue or anything special.  It is a calling!  A change within you!  You know that what you were doing wasn’t working at an optimum level!  But when do you decided to make a change, adjust or shift?  Do you continue to do the same as in the past?  Life can be tricky at times and we all live it so differently in accordance to our rules or the rules from generation to generation.  Nothing is supposed to stay the same as we are to evolve our mind, body, soul and thoughts right?  I can only speak for myself that from the time of inception I was able to realize that I was learning each and every day.  I was pushing myself to fit the molds (cookie cutter) that were presented to me visually when in fact I was defeated from that moment of thought.  Because I can NEVER be anyone but ME, ME, ME, ME…aka Dawn!!!

So for the very last time if you see me smiling for just as you may think no reason at all and you ask me “Hey Dawn why are you smiling”?  Well I could be a smart mouth Dawn and say “why do you need to know” (with a glare of a stare)?  OR I could be the new and improved Dawn and say “Well thank you for asking…I am smiling because I am in a great place in life and I am so forever grateful for my presence in it” WOW that feels really phenomenal to say!!! Now that’s not an “AHH Moment” but that is totally a “DAWN MOMENT” (ok I just made that up TD kind of cool right)…How’s that for originality (wink)! 

I’m just saying you all may want to try it sometime!  Just think in your head right now and saying I feel great I am having a (fill in the blank with your name) MOMENT!! Admit it doesn’t that feel WONDERFUL!!! I can see you smiling all the way over here! 

So the disclaimer is that if you yell this at the top of your lungs people may think you are crazy and try to lock you up in the mental institution (just kidding hmmm…then again I’m not 100% sure)?  But if you can get away with this go for it!  OR you can just say it silently in your mind several times during the day!   Can you imagine the goodness that you will feel!  Man I’m so excited!  How about you?

It’s worth a try right???

The Demise Of A Beautiful Black Swan

As the Black Swan swam into this realm…within reality holding enthusiasm and dreams in her heart somehow a decision was made to change the course of the existence or was it…

The most beautiful swan ever to arrive upon this earth was given life on 0914.   Its vision was breath taking as so the story was told.  I have the coolest recollections of my mom who guided and protected me in this world.  Even though she was the mother figure to me I also had the combination of a lasting friendship. I was so blessed to have her be a part of my world and I continue to carry her spirit with me each and every day.  As a young child I was so happy just to run around and be a kid which she encouraged.  Not necessarily wearing dresses (lol) but that was part of the girl syndrome.  It’s surely hard running around with one of those things on.  Don’t get me wrong I am not opposed to them now but back then “omg” that stood in the way of my football, baseball and other things that girls as I was told just didn’t do.   Early on I started to see that things were different between certain tribe members and my mom.  Certain things were said that they thought I didn’t understand (surely they forgot I was a smart little cookie)!   When she would walk out of the room the conversations would change to what they really wanted to express but didn’t have the gumption to say it to her face (RG & NG you know what I mean LOL).   What they failed to realize was that I (the protector) was there and very advanced in my understanding and formulation of words. I had a really, really, (and I do mean) really good memory I noticed when she would arrive back the conversation would change and they would be back to talking about old times and laughing.  As I sat there and analyzed each and every one of them I began to see the real side of some of them as I will refer to as “The Dark Side”.   Of course you can imagine seeing me sitting there and the adults talking (my head was going back and forth like I was watching a tennis match).  I am sitting on the couch and my skinny legs were long but not quite enough for my feet to reach the floor.  As the words are forming like clouds hanging in the sky each and every one drifts over and into my head.  I collected each and every cloud and stored it to analyze them in my quite times.  My memory was so sharp and I was able to transcribe it onto paper and reviewed it when I was alone needless to say I never forgot.  What I discovered was that they had created a secret society to the tune of the have and have not’s.  It seemed that within this society it was determined by them who was successful, who wasn’t going to make it, who was the good children, the troublemakers and so on.   It seemed as if they were the ones to create the future of the up and coming, along with the direction and guidance that was needed to get there.  Even though they saw us as less, we knew that we were very fortunate.  We had so much fun and love together and the main thing is that she had our backs no matter what and we had hers. What I decided is that the journey, movie or scenario that they (The Secret Society) wanted to play out was definitely not going to be a part of our world!  No matter how hard she tried to fit in or be like them they had already cast their votes.  I know now how it is so easy to get caught up whether it is family or friends.  We want to belong!  We want to be a part!  We want to be!  When do/did we realize that we must be who we are…not what others want you to be? Society never holds uniqueness or original as beauty.  Do we judge by what the tribe members, society or the media sanctions or deems as what is?  Or should it be what the eyes see? 

Do not let others views or as I call it “Black Swan Syndrome” ostracize the perception of life for you.  This syndrome basically is if you are not like, us, me or we then you are not looked favorably upon.  Your being is cast into the abyss of life to fend for itself amongst the have’s!  That surely cannot be how we are to live as a society is it?

For any of you who may have had the “Black Swan Syndrome” (male/female) know that no one can ever bring you down without you allowing it to happen.  In actuality it doesn’t happen overnight. It is the small steps of depleting your power that eventually leaves you powerless.  You never give your power away to people who don’t respect you or deserve to be connected to you!   We have been such an ungrateful society that we need to get back to the basis in human compassion.  When did it come to pass that we cannot see within ourselves that we all have struggled in some way?  During that episode in life…was it that the person was supposed to endure this alone?  Was there not anyone who noticed what was happening or wanted to intervene?  Was this a form of internal negativity that muddied the waters of the lake that we lived in…but why?  I know that we all are learning on this journey but part of being human is the appreciation of humanity, the love of the world and the gratitude of living within this universe!

I was able to come out of my syndrome the deepest, darkest shadows within!  I am a Beautiful Black Swan and forever will be in my eyes (regal, elegant, timeless, chic and oh so classic) till the end.  Part of the whole process for me was accepting who I am…the beautiful creation that the higher power created as Dawn.  I just recently began not being so hard on myself, critical and analyzing everything for me to be the perfect Dawn for the world!  We all know that is surely unattainable as in perfect.  And to be honest what is considered as perfect?

What matters most is that I am the best Dawn for Dawn and my happiness!  It was for me to realize that I am the queen of my own “internal” castle and for all that know me yes I love the finer things in life (wink)!  For me NOW the finer thing are Spirituality, Health, Knowledge and Happiness (SHKH).  With those attributes (SHKH) the very best life for Dawn is surely waiting for me.  I was not able to give that to my mom due to me trying to live and finding myself as we all think that she would be with us forever.    

I encourage you to not engage or initiate your, thoughts or ways on others if it is not going to uplift them!  I know what it feels like to not be looked at as intelligent, smart, beautiful, etc.  Negative words spoken or written are very powerful and I guess in my life that is why words became such a very big part of me.  Because I knew right away how the tone, placement, emphasis of words, the expressions affected the Black Swan and her underlings…

I wasn’t really sure why the words “The Demise of a Beautiful Black Swan” came to me but once I began to write it became so apparent!  It was to shine the light on something that I was carrying for so long of all that I had seen and heard.  Maybe I didn’t experience a lot of fun things as maybe other children did.  I was being groomed for my biggest journey in life and that is to help others.  That is what I was told very early on and this gift I am using as a form of expression now.  Did I blame myself and protected my brothers from this…”Yes” I did because I am strong and was put in a position to be.  I obeyed my mom to the very end! Did I go through every emotion writing this yes.  Each and every day I feel her presence. It is the love that I felt for her that I could not be selfish enough to say please stay because the journey that I took while looking in her eyes was a long, hard road that got longer with each and every step of the way.  Do I miss you YES but I am happy that you no longer have to deal with the ills of the world.  As you raised 3 human beings (Dawn, Scott & Noel) and we are examples of the hard work and the lights that shine bright in the world.  

Happy Birthday Mommy - Love you dearly RIP!  I am smiling because I know that your spirit is moving around freely experiencing the world on such a greater level! 

The Light Of Life

While writing my daily ritual this came to me.  Now let me explain…my daily ritual is something that I have committed myself to doing and this is how the Dawn rises (I love saying that “Dawn Rises”) lol it is just so powerful to me.  The rising of the Dawn begins with reading silently an affirmation that I absorbed from the day before.  Once it is in my mental bank I then prepare myself for meditation of either 15 or 30 minutes depending upon if my spirit needs a full doses or a quick pick me up.  After that is done it gives me an energy/place of peace for me to center myself in before going out into the world.   I like to think of it as I am putting on my armor to keep me on point no matter what may come my way.  I then write 10 things that I am grateful for.  It doesn’t have to be earth shattering it could be whatever like – I am grateful for being where I am right now, or I am blessed that I enjoyed pizza today.  If you know Dawn then you know that I am a Pizza Connoisseur I LOVE PIZZA!!!  Don’t ask me why I really don’t know I just love a good pizza not Pizza hut, Papa John’s, Dominos…I mean a really amazing thin crust pizza.  Oh gosh my mind is going off track…sorry!

So anything that you are truly grateful for, blessed to have or be...simply things that make you HAPPY!!! 

After that I have a free style writing session in which I have learned in one of my awakening classes called “What I Want Right Now” or WIWRN – this is a listing of exactly what it says!  It is putting down on paper your dreams, what you fantasize about.  What you want to make your life complete!  Now that I am thinking it is kind of like a Christmas list that you would write as a child...This is the list that the parents dreaded because this was that one time that as children they actually took time to figure out what they wanted and the list was always long.  For me I decided that whatever I was going to get I would so I really didn’t waste time on it.  I knew that my mom worked very hard and I didn’t want to give her the extra pressures of me nagging her about something that was on TV or in a magazine or what your friends bragged about getting.  So it is essentially a wish list…a quasi list but for real it evokes so much excitement that I truly expect it all to be fulfilled by that universal energy that surrounds us all.   Have you ever played a game when you were young for me in NJ I would sit on my grandparents porch and me and my brothers would see cars go by and we would see the one that we would get when we got our license and would say “bingo” not sure why but it put the claim on it for us.  We would get our uncle’s car magazine and clip them out and put them in our bedrooms.  I am smiling because I just got the coolest feeling ever as my mind took me back to that.  It was an exciting time for a fun time in life.  Hey we were children we had no worries, no bills, no pressures in life…with the exception of if you were not a good student in school then maybe you had a little bit of worry but for me I had none. I slowly figured that if it worked for cars then why can’t I use this for clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry all of those girl things that we like the nice to haves in life.  But I knew that it didn’t define me or make me who I am!  But it was cool to have the latest outfit going to school!  It made you feel like you were on cloud nine.  I began to cut out of magazines and put them in my little dream book that I created and wrote some notes on it as well.   This was very, very fun for me as it allowed my imagination to have wings to soar, my hopes to embed themselves deep within and never made me feel as if it was impossible to get anything in life.  Apparently, the higher power listened and didn’t act at that time by providing the unlimited source (as in money) but gave me something else an aunt who could sew and a desire that I had to learn.  From all those pictures cut out it gave the energy to give me a means and next thing you know I had a real talent.  If I saw something in a magazine I was able to just get some material and whip up a similar outfit.  I never really thought of it in this sense but right now man that was exactly what happened.  I worked and brought a sewing machine, patterns, material and thread and made it happen. 

Keeping your dreams in your mind’s eye, your visual perception will allow you to draw and attract things to you.  These days’ things have turned into a virtual mind space as in “mind movies” that shows and evokes thought combined with music it truly gives you an excitement and gives you that mental picture to attract it in your life.  I absolutely love a Bentley Coupe I had seen a few in the states at car shows.  But, I am here to tell you that this works and is so true, I put on my desktop and I cut out a picture of one next thing you know I am out and about in Kuwait and I would see one ride by me and (in my mind) “bingo” hey that is my ride (with the biggest smile ever).  I know what it looks like from a distance.  I can spot the emblem a mile away it is sleek, elegant, classy and fast all the components that Dawn likes.  For some reason I keep seeing my car and each time I see it I get this adrenaline rush and an excitement like no other.  OMG (I say to myself) there’s my Bentley coupe.  And it is not like it only happens on the initial sight these feelings happen each and every time I see one.  And the excitement gets bigger and bigger so from all that I read and all that I know is that excitement in combination with the visual all I can say is watch out because you will see Dawn behind the wheel of a Bentley Coupe (ok when it happens the dreaded line – “I told you so” will be shouted from the mountain top).  I can’t honestly say when but I can say that it will happen when it is suppose to happen via the universe!   And believe me this is not wacky this is true, the law and sprinkle in some karma into the mix the car is practically mine already.  I am just waiting on the keys to be delivered to me!

By never giving up on your dreams you create a vault of hopes that at times you open up the doors (and yes they probably will make that creaking sound maybe even some cobwebs) – gosh you may have to tug really hard to open them up as well) and look at them to know that anything is possible.  When was the last time that you sat down and just for fun looked through a magazine or watched the discovery channel, house hunting shows, history channel to see what life can be all about if you just let that into part of your vision.  TV shows normally will be week after week with some type of drama associated to keep you captivated and to comeback.   For me I find more of shows that will get me closer to my dreams I like to learn and incorporate that into the who, what, when, here and how this is going to come to me.  I have to evoke the vibrational feel of gosh once I get______it will make me feel_____ and I will be so grateful upon receiving it.

You may think that this is very hokey…..it is not!  What it will allow you to do is escape the pressures of the world.  Allow your mind to expand and reach deep down inside to the little girl or boy that you once where with DREAMS, HOPES and DESIRES!!!   And let’s get this clear I am not talking about the ones that your parents want or wanted for you (Mom & Dad you are cool and all but I got to be me).  We know that they have our best interest at heart but not their unresolved ones that they never pursued.  I am talking about YOURS!!!!  The very dreams that give you that goose bump feeling! The ones that have you smiling from ear to ear and no one knows why except for you. I get caught a lot and people say why are you smiling so early in the morning…well for one my name is Dawn lol!  It throws them off then I don’t have to explain and then listen to them telling me that it won’t happen.   I don’t want those negative vibes on me. Plus did I mention that these are my dreams!  EXACLTLY they are not designed, created or prepped for you...they are mine! Live, In Living Color and very, very lofty dreams (remember the Bentley Coupe we saw TAD it was gorgeous) that is exactly what I am talking about.   

So I have shared my ritual for my morning and veered off just a teeny tiny bit to let you see that it is great to be an adult but some of my happier times were as a child where I had the twinkle in my eyes and nothing ever seemed impossible.  What I know for sure is that I am slowly getting back to that feeling, the vision the light that once guided me.   Somewhere along the way the light or lantern that we all have as each one of us was given one at birth was not carried in my little hand any longer.  As I got older the lantern that provided the light for me was put down and was forgotten.  I mean really I figured I knew everything how to get there and move forward.  The whole time the lantern was just sitting there and waiting on me to pick it up.  Instead I walked over it, around it!  I actually picked it up and moved it out of the way so that I didn’t kick it when I was walking.  The one thing is that the light never ever went out.    Again, the light was shined on me from day one but it was up to me to pick up the lantern to guide my path.  Life as I like to say gets in the way things happen and the mind wanders to places of the unknown.  Essentially the vision is distorted as you are walking on another path.   FINALLY….I realized that I needed that lantern there was no way I could see the gifts that I had, the words that come to me or the vision that projected through my gorgeous brown eyes (wink)!  So I am now carrying my lantern which shines the light to guide my footsteps on the path of Dawn’s life.  I will never ever put my lantern down again; my light must shine in order for me to give back to the world. 

I encourage you to make sure that you have your light as only good will come of it.  The light is a positive part of life that is with you always!   Just make sure not to put it down for you may be lost and not be able to find your way back to it….

What truly makes me smile is that this came to me for “Dawn” to keep me on point but when the phrase entered my head I am like “I hear you” and my spirit lead me to sit at my laptop and begin typing!  This piece …this journey is for you to take as you will. I hope that it allowed you to laugh to reminisce and to incorporate some or none into your life.  I can’t tell you how to live life because each one of us are different but in humanity we all start off the same….a being arriving into this world via a loving vessel  for us to thrive, grow, explore and learn!!  What a wonderful place to be in within yourself…a place of peace!

Thank you for reading my words and walking with me on this journey as I am excited J

(Oops how could I forget to incorporate the vision board on what you want in life (Google – “Vision Board”) – Thanks A’Keta it brought back the child like enthusiasm that lights the fire within me making me ready for all things that are waiting for me as I take steps forward to my calling!   

The Invisible Force That Surrounds Us All (Energy)

As we watch movies and read books that are associated within the scientifical world there always seems to be the unknown, a presence a force field that separates us from them.  In the movies there is the drama within the music that is associated with the unknown as well.  As we continue to partake in the visual or the story line that was created we are not sure if the forces of the entities are friendly to embrace us or evil to demolish the planet.  Initially, it is always perceived as fearful and dark!  Only in a few movies that I can recall is where the presence turned out to be friendly willing to help human kind.  It always seems like they (and I say they loosely) wanted to destroy our home otherwise known as planet earth.   It is at those times that I sit and marvel over the fact is fiction far from the truth?   I mean the concepts and the ideas had to come from somewhere right???  We all are aware that the mind is a very powerful tool it can be used in so many different ways and we are supposed to be an advance species.  Are we so far advanced that we not know that the presence is something other than ourselves.   How do we know if the forces actually exists is there a good vs. evil.  Is that as clear as night and day?  The sun…the set, ying and yang know as the opposites within the tree of life that we have encountered time and time again.   

If we are the superior beings then what am I to think of the power of the energy that exists outside of the force field of our lives?  Metaphorically speaking it is a subject that has  astounded me as in the dark blanket that canvases the sky at night sprinkled with the brightness of the moon and the little specs of light that are called stars.  If you can use that part of your brain as in imagination…if you can turn that on just for a minute can you imagine how colorful your visions would be?  If you can turn on and tap into the feelings that we are born with from the beginning would things in life be differently?  Would it not be considered as black and white because I want to see it as it is but in the most vibrant colors ever!  I wouldn’t want it any other way!  And to be honest I was able to actually see it as the most vibrant colors ever upon my stint in a NJ hospital.  My vision was removed from my eyes for approx 2 days.  I will say that my senses were heightened kind of like Spiderman when he was bit from the spider lol (yes I admit I have watched the movies).  I would never have believed it but I had a super sense of taste, smell and feeling and now I truly know how blind people are able to get along with will and determination.  It seemed like eternity as I was lying on the bed, and felt as if I was in darkest void ever within my being.  The darkness was the blackest, most dense stillness that consumed my world.  I actually had no clue to what was taking place or to who was in the room.   I was able to use my spidey sense (or maybe I should say my Dawnie sense lol) a combination of hearing and a futuristic type vision within the darkness that I somehow was gifted with to help me through this.  My ability to hear allowed me to see in the most colorful form of vision within the mind.  I recall only having two (2) distinct voices enter my being my son Khi and a very close friend to my son and me Luis.  What I was visualizing was hearing my son’s voice and seeing what looked like blades of tall grass that upon the vibration of his voice would sway to and fro and colors would vary from red to green to blue (of course I know what you may be thinking is she crazy…nope not at all).  These visions were seen as I journeyed through the tunnel of what seemed life.  I literally had no control on my life or the decisions that were to be made.  But, the whole time there was no fear among my soul and that is really what scared me!  Was I to be concerned as to what was happening to me or was I to be as I trusted the presence that was holding my hand?   I do know that my son’s voice calmed the troubled waters as he expressed to me that the tribe was out of control due to not knowing if there was to be life or death.  My son stayed connected to me via his whispers in my ear until the darkness lifted!   My vision was restored and I gained a new sense of the super intelligence that I was able to amass in a difficult time. What I gained was another level of conciseness a new way for my brain to react and respond.  I was thrust in a position of the unknown that was turned into part of the journey that I am now on in my life.  The ability to be able to delve into a bubble of non-existent reality that we can only image is something that I will never ever forget.   Hey don’t get me wrong who wouldn’t want to have superhuman or as we know it “superhero or super heroine” powers.  Would that make our lives easier or more complicated?  Are we willing to have things just handed to us or gain a sense of life and awareness to guide us through the many channels know to some as our purpose?   As many things as I have read and been told is that we come into this being equipped and ready to thrive.  That as long as we walk on the right path and continue to walk in the light we are truly on our way to greatness.  So could it be that upon that very path that I was walking on when the darkness appeared does that mean that my path was not correct or was I being redirected?   Upon the darkness of the night hues of a new sunrise was showing its brilliance!  And within that brilliance is a voice that was very pure and real as my son spoke to me it guided me out of the darkness and into the light.  Upon my transformation the journey that I took within I have no idea as to why, what or how.   I do know that during my recovery I had a very strong presence of power that surrounded me as if it was a shield of armor.  With that armor came a new way of thinking, my mind was sharper and the words that flowed through me were constant.   Without reservation I embraced it and acknowledged that what I am here for is to be a vessel of truth, love and understanding!   As I continue to find my way I know that the words that flow through me are affective and my voice is strong but serene and the Invisible Force around me is so very real!   

Continuing on the path………living life and embracing my dreams towards reality!!!

The Making of a Blog Named...Dawn

When I started this blog I was so fearful of exposing myself to the virtual world or the real world peeps that know me.  What I did know was that I had a calling and for some reason it was if I was a waterfall spilling over into myself (constant movement).  As I contemplated using a pseudo name to present to the world my son (KJ) took me to see Anonymous…..which literally changed my world.   And I will be forever grateful to my son for that gift that he gave me of knowledge as he was that silent voice (to me) he was the messenger.   

As I proclaim to live my life in the best light that I can!  I can also say that yes I am human and I do fall off from time to time but it is when I gather my thoughts I then can correct them and get back on track.  It is an unconscious thought process that at times I am not even aware of it but it works.    Our minds are a very powerful tool and whether you know it or not you are thinking thoughts all the time.  I have learned that my point of knowing is how I feel which translates into the thoughts that are swimming around in my head.  Happy thoughts equate to feeling great, invincible, fun, and positive you know all of that goodness that is within.  Then comes the other thoughts fear, doubt, negativity!  Those thoughts feel so heavy they are so dark and can consume your being in an instant.  It is at those times of despair that you must learn to change it right away so that it will not consume your mind.   To be honest you may not even know that your thoughts are changing your actions, tone, words or demeanor.  In so many ways I know that I have a gift that is to be given to the world.  That no matter how much I may fear or be afraid of this journey in life I am given the courage to step to the side and let the higher power create my steps that I am to take.  I’ve always been the Dawn that thought she had it all together that I ruled, guided, created and all of that stuff that I thought I was in control of I was not.  Every step… every motion the thoughts that came to me was to get me where I am today and keep me on point towards my future.  It is an exciting time as this journey that I am on or should I say starring in I could have possibly imagined but never thought I would be in!  I’ve crossed over many countries to partake in the new experiences that my life have seen and still I marvel over the fact that WOW Dawn how did you get here LOL!!!   I have a very good imagination as you well can tell…but for me to think that I would be here is so wacky to me (SMILE)!  So as I continue to walk on this path I have decided to not question the steps.  That I am to be brave and venture into the unknown without fear or reservation!  I now know that I am ready for everything that is to be for me in life, relationships, prosperity!  Hey this movie was written only for daybreak (the first appearance of light in the sky as the sun rises at the beginning of a new day –shout out to the Encarta Dictionary) aka DAWN!  I am the actress, the star and the higher power wrote the script that is truly a perfect combination of strength, beauty and intelligence to push me through.  For the ones that know me you know that I have a lot of words and talk a lot but on this subject I am so humble and grateful!  Because the little girl from New Jersey took the time to know that whatever she wanted to do she could!  It is within your thoughts that allow you to dream, create and bring them to life to manifest!   

There is one thing in particular to talk about that had changed me for the better!  So let’s talk about it…OMG what about listening…hmmm?  One thing for sure is that we all have ears to hear but what is very important is to listen (KJ &TAD) you both have emphasized that to me on several conversations!  And I always said or say that I am listening!   Well I thought that I was when in fact because my intentions for you both are only for the very best in life.  As I’ve realized now that there are times by me not fully listening because (I never want you both to go through and feel hurt, pain or negativity) in fact I was doing exactly what you said but not intentionally I was listening but not hearing your words.  I know that you both are the coolest ever and you both know that I am here/there for you.  So, guys (with your guidance) the light came on and I had the epiphany in regards to knowing we all have ears but are we using them to listen...gosh that is surely a profound statement!  I am now and I promise to you both that I can say it but the true test is in my actions, the seconds, the moments, the hours….our lifetimes of our connections.  I am truly a better person for knowing you both (wink)! 

I guess the moral of the story is that we all have a strong calling to be to whom we are to be!  It is not up to anyone to dispute, disregard, dispel or even silence the other person’s voice by not listening to what there soul is speaking about.  We are all here without a map, no gps only our instincts and the voice from above.  With that we are truly equipped with all that we need.  We may not feel that we are equipped but believe you me we are.

Whenever you have doubt or question as to why…quiet your mind and meditate in a place of silence and peace and ask your questions to the universe!  The answer will come and as you rely on your feelings, thoughts or actions that you are doing that truly makes you happy you will finally reach a point of knowing!   Remember that the mind is a very complex machine it feeds off of your emotions whether we think it will or not!  You are the captain of your mindful ship so stay steady on your journey!  You now are on your way to greatness, of peace, serenity and all of the good feelings that we are suppose to experience in our lives. 

No doubt we all have encountered and experienced so much from birth until now again positive and negative!  We know what it feels like to be happy or sad!   And to be honest the later is not a good feeling.  But I will accept it all as it got me to where I am today…and for that I am truly grateful!!!

This journey that I am on is amazing as it was designed just for me so until the next one…Stay Positive and Live The Life You Are Destined To Live!!!

A STAR IS BORN

Gosh I must admit I knew that I had something special inside of me.  I knew that at a very early age but there was no explanation as to why or how I got it.  All I know is that I had it and I was really happy about it.  As I tried to explain or express the “IT” that I had to my mom she would say “Oh Dawn go and sit down” LOL!  I surely thought “mommy you can’t see I’m a star”!  As my mind began to wander in my stardom that I possessed I thought do I need to make a sign or wear a button that says I am a “STAR”.  Now that I think about it my mom looked at me like “OMG what kind of child do I have here” hahahaha!  Although I was never ever trouble (I was a good girl)!  I was a dreamer and that in itself is a handful when you have 2 other children which happen to be boys.  I am sure that she thought there has to be a happy medium somewhere.  As my mom was the main focal point in the home I was constantly looking for attention “hey mom look at me”!  And I could hear her saying again and again….”Dawn go and sit down somewhere”!  I surely excelled in everything that I did.  I wrote at a very early age and my teachers would use me as entertainment to by time I guess when they couldn’t take it anymore. You know how kids can be and I was the buffer between them and the teachers.  Actually, that was my first performance in front of a captive audience.  Alright truth be told they were trapped in class and had to be there but so what.  I know that there had to be one person who knew that I was a star!  I didn’t give out autographs or anything but if I could I would have LOL!  As I began to mature my stardom did also (No I didn’t have a big head).  I was untouchable so I though.   My mom was very adamant about me being a girl and the doll thing (cause that is what girls do) and as they say I wasn’t feeling it!    I didn’t see any reason for me to partake in that senseless act because I really wasn’t a girlie girl (nothing wrong with it if you are) and it just wasn’t fun at all.  So when Dawn isn’t happy someone was going to pay the price…and it was my mom!  I had no other choice but to go to the other side….the masculine side of the tribe.  My uncles took me under their wing and would teach me the tools of the trade of what it is like to be a dude YAY!  I gave them rational thoughts and actually told them why I did not want a doll or see the need for one!  But what I did see a need for was racing tracks and cars, footballs, mitts for baseball, game systems all the stuff that my brothers had.  Man they always had so much fun and were laughing.  They probably were laughing because they didn’t have to wear a dress!!!  So thank god for my Uncle Len and Uncle George or “Len/George” as I called them. And they embraced me like one of the guys…whew was I glad about that.  My grandparents had a total of 11 (gosh that is a whole lot).  The younger 5 let us be on a first name basis as I grew up and which was cool as it allowed us to build such a good relationship.  If you think about it putting the Aunt or Uncle sometimes gives the authoritative mentality to it (and yes it is a respect aspect as well).  And no doubt I respect them so much it gives me the feeling and knowing that I can talk to him about anything.  That they would not rat me out if I needed to confide in him and that is even today.  George was the outdoorsy dude you know fishing, hunting… oh yeah and loved country music (Yeeee Haaaa shout out to my Texas Brothers & Sisters).  He taught me that part of life the survival aspect.  I would see it fresh from the day little rabbits in his bag or the deer from the hunt club that he was a member of.  But he always had a smile because he knew he was having rabbit that night but not me!  I didn’t eat meat!!!  I never really liked it but was forced to eat a small piece yuck!!  Let’s just say many a nights I would sleep at the kitchen table because I could not get up if everything wasn’t eaten (and we didn’t have a dog  as I may have been able to escape the torture)!  I will admit back then I was maybe a teeny tiny bit stubborn (stop laughing KJ).  And maybe even till this day on a few things but at this time in my life I know the difference.  Or wait a minute I knew it back then too otherwise I would have eaten it and slept in a comfortable bed and not laying my head on a hard table (I can seriously see this picture too)!  Len (aka my uncle) he taught me about cars, sports and not taking any crap from anyone…..oh yeah my mom taught me that part also (smile)!   I am that girl who absolutely loves cars!!!  I absolutely adore a Bentley Coupe, Aston Martin, Karma Fisker and a Bugatti!!!   OMG there are so many that I love that I can see myself driving and have in many of my epic movies you may call as dreams!  And you know what that means I will have one or maybe even all of them YAY!!!!   Getting back to Len and Sports… ah the wonders of life!!!  We are talking the 3 B’s – baseball, basketball and boxing (not in that exact order but you know what I mean)!  Then we can add on hockey, race cars, track (I watch sometimes), fencing gosh and the list goes on and on and on.  Anything where there is excitement and a challenge that is me and I had my chances as a girl to play sports and practice with Len.  Just recently I went home and we got to check out basketball games on TV.  And because he played he feels like he knows it all but I hung right along with him because I was taught by the master…so in the kung fu movies I would be known as grasshopper!!!

Getting back to being a star…you already know what I’m talking about.  Blah, blah and blah…born in the wee hours of the morning stars were out hence named Dawn!   I would think that it was such a spectacular event so it had to be at least one shooting star that welcomed me!  You may wonder what my uncles and being a star has in common…well to be honest they played a tiny part of my “STARPOWER”  and I just wanted to give them props in only the way that Dawn can! 

But just in case you don’t know I have always been very low key as to what Dawn is all about.   But from what I am told I guess that my aura gives another picture or story!  I can’t really say what it is but it seems that people to a certain extent gravitate to me or they just don’t care to know me at all.   Before, I embraced who I am it bothered me if people reacted to me negatively because I know that I am a really cool person.  But right now at this point and stage in my life I don’t care (especially what others think).  I have some really cool peeps that have my back to name a few (KJ, TAD, MJ, DD, KP, JU, RG, NG) these props are for the guys that have and continue to be there for me.  Thank you for being awesome to me as you guys are truly STARS in my eyes.   What I can say to you is what I truly care about right at this very second is that I AM HAPPY!!!  Truly HAPPY with life with each and every step that I have taken, each door that has been opened or closed (Thx TAD your analogy was amazing, smile are you sure you’re not a writer also). The positive and negative of it all.  The energy that connects me to the higher realm or higher power as known to many as a powerful entity no matter what you may say.  Knowing that in life the most high already knew that I was a STAR!!!  So it really doesn’t matter what people think.  It was just me, my being, and my knowing!  My STARNESS was just waiting for me to figure it out.  So guess what WORLD!!!

A STAR IS BORN… and her name is (drum roll please) DAWN!!!

As always thanks for reading and I hope that you enjoy my little many episodes, reflections, memories, stories of Dawn (smile)!  As I am truly living a phenomenal life!!!  Gosh I would love to read these on YouTube….hmmm just a thought! LOL!

AM I LIVING MY LIFE TO IT'S GREATEST POTENTIAL?

This is a question that I have been thinking about a lot lately.  I completed yet another goal that I set for myself. The goal that I strived for through positive and negative finally came to be upon my son’s graduation from college.  As I never wanted to decide his path for him I did have enough faith and I trusted whatever he told me he wanted to be in life.  I NEVER had the desire to convince him that he should be or pursue something else in life because of MY secret desires for myself!  Simply putting it for example I have always wanted to be an archeologist and since I did not fulfill that in my present life I could have been the one to say son this is the coolest career ever...don’t you want to be a archeologist???  And that is when things begin to shift and the convincing begins!  Don’t think for once that it is ok…it is not rational it is detrimental to the growth of the child because now you are altering to whom he/she is to be in this world.  You are tainting there natural gift, sabotaging their future and silencing the voice within which guides them on what they are to be.  Do you think for one second that they came here to fulfill your dreams in any way?  They came on this earth to fulfill their dreams.   I am and still here to support my son in any way that I can if he asks me to assist.  But, now it comes to a point as to what’s next?  What is next for Dawn?  There are so many thoughts that run through my head of so many things that I would love to do or pursue.  Then comes the analytical part of me that says wow I could have been or I should have tried.  To be honest I never go backwards in anything (truly Dawn’s philosophy) this allows me to move forward in everything I do!! 

For me to even fathom (going backwards) is a form of personal punishment, a flashback or opening up a time capsule.  From day one we are brought into this world and thoughts begin to formulate in the mind.  We have so many variables that make up scenes or the stories of our lives.  Each and every segment, each step on your journey is reflected in your mind and creates the movie of your life.  And who’s to say that my movie is not correct for me?  At what point do we rationalize each and every step that we take?   Who determines those steps?  And when do you decide to walk on those paths?  As long as I can remember I had very lofty thoughts of grander.  I have always thought Big, even Bigger or OMG BIGGEST!   It wasn’t a game as I believed that it would be in my life that I deserved and is entitled to all good things to come to me.  But, that is when the outside forces, opinions, thoughts that translated into words that are heard via my ears!   That 2 letter word NO!  No is very powerful as it is a cousin to fear.  These two words (NO or FEAR) can change the direction of your life or hamper your soul’s desire.  It will squash your dreams and stifle your will to listen to your inner self. 

In other words it silences your entire being.  My introduction to this concept was at a very young age as we all are introduced to it via a tribe member, friends, teachers, etc...  There is never an explanation it is always something to the fact of … “No because I said so” or “I’m the adult and you are the child”.  Knowing Dawn’s mind I know who you are but why can’t I do, be or experience…because you said so?  Hmmmm… sounds kind of fishy to me.  But I wasn’t in a position to think or do otherwise as I was at a very young age or was I too young?  Actually, they thought that I was too young but the ramifications would have been punishment quasi a beating as they say or having something taken away.  This was just another way of controlling.  Hey, I am not judging but the same way of doing things time after time generation after generation could be a sign of insanity.  There is never a new thought or a new way that we can experiment with to change the dynamics of the game!  For me I am a “free will” kind of person.  I am not radical, tree hugger or because of my religious beliefs.  My ability to use free will is part of who I am and what I have used and is a known fact that works for me.  If we explain and assist we can learn and grow.  If we keep stifling thoughts, opinions and ideas we create a society of people who cannot dream or pursue their inner most desires in life. 

As we continue to live, hope and dream if we live our life right and not judge others or hate on each other due to what they have we can change the tone of the world.  Gratitude and Abundance go hand in hand.  Encouragement and Assistance can make the difference of a dream being born or a dream ending abruptly in death! 

As you ponder on the words that I have written please know that these are my opinions only. It is not to make you change or be something different then you are.  It is a form of expression and a way of life for me.  As I continue to find my way know that we are all here for the most awesome experience in life!  Do not let anything consume you in darkness or negativity!  Continue to move towards the light that burns inside of you as that it your beacon to whom you are and the knowledge that you possess! 

My joy lies in me knowing that there is so much for me to…

Experience

Explore

Share

Love

Express

Laugh

Enjoy

And so much more!

Life is to be lived in light not in darkness! Just think why is it that in the light we can see but in darkness we cannot?  Hmmmm…in darkness your vision is hampered and you need light to guide you right?  It is very basic in thought but astounding once you take a minute to ponder this!  I encourage you to REACH FOR AND LIVE IN THE LIGHT and all of your desires will become crystal clear!

My dream is to be a literary genius!  An author of many books to inspire, assist and teach people to grow mentally and spiritually towards being a whole human being. By you engaging in reading my words you are pushing me towards my dreams…For that I am extremely GRATEFUL and I THANK YOU!!!

Perfectly Ever After

To some I had the most perfect life ever, somewhat of a Fairy Tale….

A controlled life from my family (in other words I couldn’t do anything LOL).  A good education (ok public school but I took advantage of it since I knew that was as they say the way out).  With the good education and being popular (which I didn’t campaign for but it was a natural) I was able to go to college.  I really wanted so much to be an archeologist but the road lead me to art with a minor in fashion (that surely shouldn’t be a surprise at all LOL)!  I truly love fabrics, clothes, and the whole entire aspect of fashion!  Yeah I wish I was tall enough to be a model as that would have surely curbed my appetite for my iconic way of life.  I’ve always adored the style and elegance of an era from long ago.   Lena Horn, Jackie O...a simplistic a way of dressing but oh so elegant!  A style that left so much to the imagination of the male species instead of having it all out and tight as hell (don’t think that I am fronting anyone out I am sure you know who you are so don’t be mad at me)...plus it is so uncomfortable!!! But, wait I haven’t even mentioned the shoes, purses and jewelry omg that is another posting in itself.  I love being as they say put together.  I am not fanatic but I like to look a certain way ~ Dawn’s way.  I am not interested in leaving an impression but I do.  I speak the way I do because I have pride in my being.  What’s more important is how I feel and my happiness!  Never an imitator but always an originator (always wanted to say that LOL). 

So getting back to my so call Fairy Tale……

I graduated college and two years later married (very new for me) since my mom never allowed me to date omg!!!  Once that was instilled in my head I stayed on course. For some strange reason I felt that if I disobeyed her that something terrible would happen…….there goes that word again FEAR!!!  Oh well it is what it is!  The tribe was able to attend a very big and lavish wedding (thanks to all that were in the ceremony) and that is when happiness should be surrounding your existence and it did for a while.  Another two years passed and I was given the gift of bringing a child into the world….a son. 

As I continued to live my life, make decisions wherever my path took me. I didn’t feel as a whole person. I always felt like something was missing. I was the perfect wife, excellent mom, very well known and versed in the community.  You know doing the PTO, YMCA holding seats in offices to better myself and give back.  That was all done by me but, again I still felt that with all that I did I should be happy and not feel alone but I did.  I guess that I was putting on the Best Supporting Actress Role in a Life Series...and the Oscar goes to!  And please don’t get me wrong it had nothing to do with my EX or anyone else it was me and what I felt in side.  I was feeling as though there was so much more that I was destined to do, to give to the world! 

As life took me on various different paths I continue to wander as if I was a woman without a country, a gypsy within my soul.   The repetition of life and I had it down to a science I repeated each and every day.  I promised myself that I would never want my son to feel as I did and wanted him to be raised in a free-will lifestyle.  Meaning that I would not want to put my thoughts or my dreams on him.  That I would not encourage him to follow a path or schooling that I thought would be best for him or a dream that I didn’t fulfill.  I wanted him to be an individual, a vital voice in the world from his own thoughts, idealisms, visions and dreams!  I wanted him to be what he was and is destined to be.  What the higher power instilled in him upon his entry into this world.  That is the gift that I wanted him to unwrap when he was ready to face the world.  Every step, every breathe that was taken was to get him to where he is today!  I was only a source not the higher hand that guided him to where he was able to go.  My journeys lead me to the Middle East and I have traveled to many countries while being here.  Did I ever imagine myself here no (or should I say Hell No…but never say never)!  One thing for sure I had a very big imagination and as a very young girl I knew that I would travel.  So I guess that was on the map of my life. 

05102012 the mission that I Dawn Bond accepted to give my son his dream will be completed.  It wasn’t Mission Impossible after all and certainly I am not looking for praise or glory!  I didn’t give up anything at all except to physically be present in my son’s life.  I provided 1000% percent support to the being that I was trusted with to give him a voice in this world.  I also reached a unknown goal of my own that didn’t haunt me as I was focused but most recently have slipped into my conciseness.  I know that I was given life in my birth and my name was chosen as Dawn.  Well finally I feel that I have arrived the Dawning of a new existence! Can you say Operation New Dawn (see TAD I told you that it is still in effect DUDE!!!).   A new journey and dreams to pursue!  A life that once was is now restored.  The higher power knew the steps that I was to take to get me where I am today and that is a loving of myself…more than I have ever known before.  There are a few people that may not know it but your presence and words helped me along the way (KJ, TAD, KP, JU, SC, EG, JS, DA, MM and ED)!  You know who you are by the initials listed!  But more importantly know that you have a lifelong spirit in me ~ With love and gratitude always!

THE ANTICIPATION

As I began this journey in life I had no idea of where it would take me or where I would be.  No doubt I have ALWAYS been a very private person, keeping my feelings close and my being even closer.  I’ve known that I have had this gift as a very young girl and as I have mentioned life got in the way.  I traveled down many roads some that I had control of and others I did not. But at no time did I have fear or regrets.  Nothing that I have experienced have I ever regretted as it brought me to where I am today.  Now, for a second I wondered how in the world I got to the Middle East.  But, at this point in my life it really doesn’t matter because you know what I am here.  This is exactly where I am supposed to be!!!  So, the advantage that I have is that I know this and I am open to the higher power as to what steps I will be guided in. As I write my “Rituals” every day for 30 minutes I am bringing my gift closer into my existence.  My writing will get to be stronger and you will feel it when you read it.  I cannot lie I am scared but not fearful.  I am scared because I know and feel that this is bigger than me.  And for some of you who have had the opportunity to meet me and see me grow you must admit (even I do myself) that there is something unusual about Dawn!  And that is totally in a good way ;-)!  Once I was able to quiet my mind and I was ready and open to what my journey was to be that is when the words began to flow and they continue to each and every day.   Below is as some may call it a “poem”!  But to me I like to refer to it as “Living Words”.  You read it and feel it according to how it will benefit your life.  I tend not to use punctuation as I want you to determine how you want to receive it.  This piece was written on 13 Dec 2010…Enjoy

ANTICIPATION…

The Anticipation of becoming a true being is very close on my path to serenity

It is a true sense of being that is brought before me to join in with a clear vision and open heart

It is the anticipation of the unknown that fulfills my need of belonging

It is the belonging that fulfills the need of the desire

The desire to succeed in this life time

My life time of truly becoming a higher being

The Anticipation of a life

A vision a truth

And the truth is locked deep inside

Waiting to be revealed to the inner self

The inner self is waiting to be presented

To the world

The universe

The higher sense

And finally presented to you