Perfectly Ever After

To some I had the most perfect life ever, somewhat of a Fairy Tale….

A controlled life from my family (in other words I couldn’t do anything LOL).  A good education (ok public school but I took advantage of it since I knew that was as they say the way out).  With the good education and being popular (which I didn’t campaign for but it was a natural) I was able to go to college.  I really wanted so much to be an archeologist but the road lead me to art with a minor in fashion (that surely shouldn’t be a surprise at all LOL)!  I truly love fabrics, clothes, and the whole entire aspect of fashion!  Yeah I wish I was tall enough to be a model as that would have surely curbed my appetite for my iconic way of life.  I’ve always adored the style and elegance of an era from long ago.   Lena Horn, Jackie O...a simplistic a way of dressing but oh so elegant!  A style that left so much to the imagination of the male species instead of having it all out and tight as hell (don’t think that I am fronting anyone out I am sure you know who you are so don’t be mad at me)...plus it is so uncomfortable!!! But, wait I haven’t even mentioned the shoes, purses and jewelry omg that is another posting in itself.  I love being as they say put together.  I am not fanatic but I like to look a certain way ~ Dawn’s way.  I am not interested in leaving an impression but I do.  I speak the way I do because I have pride in my being.  What’s more important is how I feel and my happiness!  Never an imitator but always an originator (always wanted to say that LOL). 

So getting back to my so call Fairy Tale……

I graduated college and two years later married (very new for me) since my mom never allowed me to date omg!!!  Once that was instilled in my head I stayed on course. For some strange reason I felt that if I disobeyed her that something terrible would happen…….there goes that word again FEAR!!!  Oh well it is what it is!  The tribe was able to attend a very big and lavish wedding (thanks to all that were in the ceremony) and that is when happiness should be surrounding your existence and it did for a while.  Another two years passed and I was given the gift of bringing a child into the world….a son. 

As I continued to live my life, make decisions wherever my path took me. I didn’t feel as a whole person. I always felt like something was missing. I was the perfect wife, excellent mom, very well known and versed in the community.  You know doing the PTO, YMCA holding seats in offices to better myself and give back.  That was all done by me but, again I still felt that with all that I did I should be happy and not feel alone but I did.  I guess that I was putting on the Best Supporting Actress Role in a Life Series...and the Oscar goes to!  And please don’t get me wrong it had nothing to do with my EX or anyone else it was me and what I felt in side.  I was feeling as though there was so much more that I was destined to do, to give to the world! 

As life took me on various different paths I continue to wander as if I was a woman without a country, a gypsy within my soul.   The repetition of life and I had it down to a science I repeated each and every day.  I promised myself that I would never want my son to feel as I did and wanted him to be raised in a free-will lifestyle.  Meaning that I would not want to put my thoughts or my dreams on him.  That I would not encourage him to follow a path or schooling that I thought would be best for him or a dream that I didn’t fulfill.  I wanted him to be an individual, a vital voice in the world from his own thoughts, idealisms, visions and dreams!  I wanted him to be what he was and is destined to be.  What the higher power instilled in him upon his entry into this world.  That is the gift that I wanted him to unwrap when he was ready to face the world.  Every step, every breathe that was taken was to get him to where he is today!  I was only a source not the higher hand that guided him to where he was able to go.  My journeys lead me to the Middle East and I have traveled to many countries while being here.  Did I ever imagine myself here no (or should I say Hell No…but never say never)!  One thing for sure I had a very big imagination and as a very young girl I knew that I would travel.  So I guess that was on the map of my life. 

05102012 the mission that I Dawn Bond accepted to give my son his dream will be completed.  It wasn’t Mission Impossible after all and certainly I am not looking for praise or glory!  I didn’t give up anything at all except to physically be present in my son’s life.  I provided 1000% percent support to the being that I was trusted with to give him a voice in this world.  I also reached a unknown goal of my own that didn’t haunt me as I was focused but most recently have slipped into my conciseness.  I know that I was given life in my birth and my name was chosen as Dawn.  Well finally I feel that I have arrived the Dawning of a new existence! Can you say Operation New Dawn (see TAD I told you that it is still in effect DUDE!!!).   A new journey and dreams to pursue!  A life that once was is now restored.  The higher power knew the steps that I was to take to get me where I am today and that is a loving of myself…more than I have ever known before.  There are a few people that may not know it but your presence and words helped me along the way (KJ, TAD, KP, JU, SC, EG, JS, DA, MM and ED)!  You know who you are by the initials listed!  But more importantly know that you have a lifelong spirit in me ~ With love and gratitude always!

THE ANTICIPATION

As I began this journey in life I had no idea of where it would take me or where I would be.  No doubt I have ALWAYS been a very private person, keeping my feelings close and my being even closer.  I’ve known that I have had this gift as a very young girl and as I have mentioned life got in the way.  I traveled down many roads some that I had control of and others I did not. But at no time did I have fear or regrets.  Nothing that I have experienced have I ever regretted as it brought me to where I am today.  Now, for a second I wondered how in the world I got to the Middle East.  But, at this point in my life it really doesn’t matter because you know what I am here.  This is exactly where I am supposed to be!!!  So, the advantage that I have is that I know this and I am open to the higher power as to what steps I will be guided in. As I write my “Rituals” every day for 30 minutes I am bringing my gift closer into my existence.  My writing will get to be stronger and you will feel it when you read it.  I cannot lie I am scared but not fearful.  I am scared because I know and feel that this is bigger than me.  And for some of you who have had the opportunity to meet me and see me grow you must admit (even I do myself) that there is something unusual about Dawn!  And that is totally in a good way ;-)!  Once I was able to quiet my mind and I was ready and open to what my journey was to be that is when the words began to flow and they continue to each and every day.   Below is as some may call it a “poem”!  But to me I like to refer to it as “Living Words”.  You read it and feel it according to how it will benefit your life.  I tend not to use punctuation as I want you to determine how you want to receive it.  This piece was written on 13 Dec 2010…Enjoy

ANTICIPATION…

The Anticipation of becoming a true being is very close on my path to serenity

It is a true sense of being that is brought before me to join in with a clear vision and open heart

It is the anticipation of the unknown that fulfills my need of belonging

It is the belonging that fulfills the need of the desire

The desire to succeed in this life time

My life time of truly becoming a higher being

The Anticipation of a life

A vision a truth

And the truth is locked deep inside

Waiting to be revealed to the inner self

The inner self is waiting to be presented

To the world

The universe

The higher sense

And finally presented to you

Living Life Vicariously Through Your Inner Child

We all have an inner child for me I call it my tiny voice within.  I discovered my inner child I think somewhere between the ages of 3 to 5.  Man those were the days!  I was so truly invincible!   I had no fear…no worries… no bills.  I was living my life in accordance to the laws of Dawn.  Or so I thought that I was.  Of course in my eyes I was the Queen of the Castle.  My castle was my bedroom that I had all by myself since I was the only girl in my family.  I didn’t have to share YAY!!! What made it even more special was that I could decorate it anyway that I wanted to and at that age I was up for the challenge.  I can’t say that everything matched but it was the way I wanted it to be and in my eyes it was absolutely perfect.  So… getting back to the Queen of the castle thing.  Well…as I would like to recall I was the QUEEN!  Queen Dawn I so liked to be called.  But then slowly but surely I realized that I wasn’t my mom was.  And believe you me she let me know that I was not in charge, not a queen or a princess or anything else of that fact.  Because to her that was not reality!  And now that I am thinking about it and it makes me smile!  I was shown the real…this is your room but it is not actually yours it is mine because I am the parent that provides for you!   So actually you are just borrowing it.  Gosh that is really harsh!!!  Is that reality?   YES it is young lady otherwise known as Dawn!  Should I have thought of it any different at that age?  Hmmm…well I am sure that I did but now that I think nope not at all.  That was not my house or my room!  The only thing that I had control of was my life.  And to be honest not even that.  Aren’t we are suppose to obey our parents no matter what?  That is what we are told right?  Does that mean even if we don’t agree?   Yes ma’am that is correct because you can’t make decisions at that age lol.   But you know what the older members of the tribe think that I cannot but I know I surely can.  Hey I came into this world and was born on my own so of course I can make decisions.   I am the Queen of my castle and the ruler of my world.  Ok let me retract my words… The higher power rules my world I have to give praise for that.  But the higher power gave me the most inquisitive mind ever!  Faith in the creation of me and hopes that I was to walk on the right path and cultivate my gift.  The gift that I possessed was very apparent in the earliest stages of life.  As I always had to talk, and talk and talk.  I always had something to say!  Tell a story and for sure be in the mix.  I was always in the meetings with the tribe aka quasi tribal council.   Everything that the tribe members wanted to discuss would take form and shape with me being there.  The chief would invite everyone over and most of the time it would take place on a holiday.  All the tribal members had to dress at their very best.  I am talking suits for the men and boys and dresses for the women and girls (YUCK)!!!  I use to look forward to it because I would be able to sit in my little chair and listen.  I would raise my hand to interject or ask a question and one the female members of the meeting told me (aka the meanest Aunt (JH) that ever lived) that children are to be seen and not heard.  Gosh…this is not Halloween and I am not dressed as a ghost so I know that they can see me!  So what is this seen and not heard thing?  I looked over at my mom and she would put her finger over her mouth which was a sign that says “Dawn be quite”!  I was thinking omg I have something to say and it is important I know that you all can see me.   If any of you know the look that is what she would give me so I would obey (didn’t really have a choice).  Believe me I didn’t like it at all!  I really, really, really wanted to go outside and play football or baseball with my brothers and cousins but guess what I had on a dress and slippery little dress shoes.  A quarterback would not be able to get down in that attire.  So, what did I have to do continue to sit there and listen and not talk?  That is very hard for a percousious child who has a very colorful imagination.  So I decided to have my own meeting with my own tribe otherwise known as my inner child.  Ok this was not an imaginary friend that is for kids (oh yeah I was one at the time) but very advanced!  Oh I so forgot to tell you I am a Gemini so that counts for 2 peeps made into one.  So you know that I was and still am on point!  I can see things in such a different perspective then the mere mortals (minions) that I deal with each and every day.  And another gift that I did acquire from the tribal meetings is that I learned to read lips man that is an awesome talent to have.  I knew everything that was going on and they had no clue.  LMAO!!!  To be gifted and talented is an awesome thing.  The higher power gave me gifts that made me into a Super Child.  I could write, read lips and tell stories.  The one thing that it didn’t protect me from was getting me in trouble when I would use my powers in a way to make suggestions to my mom and other members of the tribe.  How would my mother find out?   Well the other tribe members would rat me out.  But you know what it only made me brush up on my skills and figure out other ways kind of like a Dawn Bondish 007 type skills.   As I am writing this it makes me laugh because I think back to when I was a child and being again fearless and invincible.  Somehow the world and life begins to put their thoughts, ways and actions on me.  With that everyday process you know that in human pattern either you are going to accept it, negate it or both.  We take what we feel is good/bad and incorporate that into our lives and continue to add, build and grow into who we are today.

I will admit there were times in my life that I wanted to be like or resemble something or someone else because as we know we will think that life would be so much easier.   But, presently I would not trade any of my life experiences for anything in the world. I had to go through each and every step to be the best Dawn that I could be.  I am not talking in the forms of perfection as I am perfect in the higher power’s eyes otherwise why was I created?  I mean really the truth is the truth why would I think less of myself?  You may but I surely don’t!   I have something that I was born with that I am supposed to give to the world.   It is my messages whether it is in the form of physical, mental or verbal.  Words From The Soul my gift I was born with from Day 1.  I listened and embraced it in writing and in stories.  I would tuck it away and then come back to it when I felt like it.  Life gets in the way and then you pull it back out because you are comfortable with doing it and it makes you happy.  Hey Dawn~HELLO THIS IS YOUR GIFT!!!  As I recall a couple of years ago this began brewing inside of me like a volcano and I kept pushing it down!  Making excuses and doing everything but what I was supposed to be doing.  But as in all things if your gift is strong and you are open to what you were brought here for it will make a way to the forefront of your life.  Although your destiny is set upon birth (your map for life) you must make sure that you have it in hand.  So when you think about it your future is set you just have to find your way to it.  With choices and decisions, steps and journeys it is truly up to you.  I will say one thing if you gauge yourself by your Inner Child the fearless, invincible, fun individual that you are you will have lots of exciting adventures along the way!  You will have lots of fun!  So at this moment in life I am so excited to listen to my inner child because when I listen… that is when I am at the most happiest place and time in life.  I get to laugh at myself, act weird, nerdy just have lots of fun.  That is how life is supposed to be absolutely phenomenally fun!!!  I urge you to try this concept!   It changed my life and truly can change your life if you want it to. 

LIVE TO DREAM...DREAM TO LIVE!!!

Your Imagination Is Your Key!!!

Use The Key To Unlock The Door…To Your Best Life Ever!!!

All That YOU Have Envisioned It To Be!

Not Allowing Your PAST To Be Your Present

As the word PAST showed in my mind as big as an elephant in a tiny room my analytical mind began to ponder.  My big voice (me talking out loud) said why in the world would the word PAST be in/on my mind?  Then the tiny voice from above whispered to me “Dawn you know that you cannot move forward if you don’t exit and dispel the past”.  Gosh but the past seems such a long time ago (to be honest I thought it was gone already)!  But if it (the Past) is still within you it will seem like today. 

Everyone has a past so don’t think that you can escape it whether it is a positive/negative or a combination of both.  I will never be embarrassed of my past as I look at it as a map that leads me to today.  The most intriguing aspect of the word past is exactly what it is THE PAST when you say it; it gives you the feeling of going back in time. Like it was soooooo long ago!  As I let my mind wander I wondered if I in fact had any of the past crept into my present.  Do I have a full set of pastluggae (another word I made up) or just a piece or two?   Just imagine that from the first day that you are born after the 24 hours of your first breath that you take you have a past. 

My mind was going in circles because I began to go over not in a fanatical way but just wondering what parts were happy and which parts were sad.  I could feel myself smiling on certain thoughts and cringing on others.  But that teeny tiny voice reminded me that all of the PAST brought me to where I am today.  That was part of the journey!  Remember the map that we were given from the start.  The map that we probably detoured from time to time.  But it is those times that I think WOW how in the world did my past get me here to where I am today in the Middle East?  How did my map get me here?  I didn’t know that my map of life had all the countries of the world on it….I thought that my map was to be only the United States.  OMG wait a minute I recall a dream or two ok I will admit hundreds maybe even thousands where I had traveled all over the place!  I was mingling with so many cultures and I didn’t stand out of the crowd. I was a part of!   I belonged YAY!!!  How cool is that!  Me on lots of journeys that is amazing.  The dreams that I went on in my mind I surely was the VIP of traveling.  My passport had so many stamps and I was known as the coolest chick in the world.

What I also realized thanks to my Uncle Len is that I have to get rid of everything that connected me to those not so pleasant times otherwise known as...  Are you kidding me???  Are you talking about my shoe/purse collection GEESH!!!   Banana Republic had it going on with the Italian Leather shoes and purses!  Don’t get me wrong they were not cheap until they went on sale LMAO!  And what about my collection of clothes OMG I was the chicest woman around only the best for Dawn.  If you really know me you know that I am a JCREW GIRL!   I absolutely love them that was in the past and surely in my present.  Part of the traumatic time in my life (well it was to me) I knew that I had to recover that I could not let it hold me down or tear me apart of who I was and am DAWN.  So needless to say I had to remove all of the past to make room for the present.  And you know how it went down I gave them away (man it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it). Some damn body got a very sic wardrobe/accessories.  You know now that I think about it how many people would have done that!  Because I am going to be real it was so hard for me.

Some of you may think ok!  Well I would have taken what I wanted or thought I needed and took them with me on my new adventure.  Well as explained to me and the way of the world is if you are hurt or hurting due to something or someone that does not have your best interest at heart then you must remove yourself.  Now in the defense of another human being if they are selfish how do they know if are hurting you.  But more importantly do they really care?  Hmmmm... probably not because if they did they would stop right?  Or is it that if the silent voice would speak up then just maybe the light would brighten from being so very dim in which you could see your way out of it.   

Most people are ashamed of or prefer not to talk about the past!  For me I am not ashamed I am an open book (ok TAD also actions)!   My steps will never be like yours and I cannot prevent you from going in the same direction but I can tell my story.  My story is not to have you walk in my steps.  My steps are just a small segment of my movie that I am playing the lead in each and every day.    Please don’t think that I have a big head at all (stop laughing Khi) but I am very well versed in the part of Dawn (The beginning of).  If I had to cast someone to play me I am just thinking who would that be???

You know that I could have gone into detail on every single aspect of my past but why bother!  Would you look at me any different?  Would you say OMG she is almost like Mother Theresa real close to being a Saint?  Would you say that I am like Angela Davis (gosh my mom Hill-RIP) would not let me have an afro) I wonder why?  Oh I forgot as she would put it “I AM THE BOSS”.   I am so smiling because thank god she couldn’t read my mind because in my head I was like “yeah right for now”.    Or would you say that maybe in a previous life I was Martin Luther King (I know he is a man – hey you never know right and I did say previous) fighting for justice for all people?

But in the real life scenario you will say well that is just Dawn!  Believe you me I have been called many names in my life but I prefer to go by my name (smile)!!!  But just to let you in on a little secret my name was not going to be Dawn.  In the wee hours of the morning ….21 May as it would read in the history books.  The sky was the blackest of black and there was only one star in the sky!  As I am told that star became super bright at 3am when the new being took her first breath.  As the doctors and nurses were amazed at this new being’s presence (someone stated that she was the most beautiful baby that they ever saw)!  All continued to gaze the nurse asked to what name will you give this precious being!  As my mother and father’s eyes were so fixated on this precious gift they both were at a loss for words.  For what they discussed for the previous nine months that it took to make the perfect being neither one of them remembered the name!  So I know you are wondering what was the name that they had in mind. OMG it was HEATHER!!!   Can you see me being named Heather there is absolutely nothing wrong with the name I just can’t see me being named Heather.  But with the early morning, the beauty that was presented to the world...Dawn it is oh so fitting.   Gosh I think that maybe my mom and dad was in shock and my mom said what time is it?  Someone said 3am!  I could hear my mom saying damn it is really early in the morning!  Ok nurse I am ready to name her!  Her name is Dawn! LOL!  You know angles singing above with a full orchestra welcoming Dawn into the world.  Well I am special so that is my version of I how I came to be. 

Gosh that story will always make me smile…and the fact that the urban legend (NJ) is that I was found on the steps in a basket or that I am my aunt’s daughter (that is totally another posting). 

So you may be wondering how in the world did I start off with talking about the past, luggage etc.  Well to be honest that is when it all began!!!

But you would be proud to know that the PAST has finally been kicked off the Isle of Dawn!   Grab your torch and leave the island (ok I watch survivor a time or two).   Although never forgotten it is no longer in the forefront of my mind or my soul!  It is packed far, far away within my being.  I cannot deny that it will always be a part of me a chapter in my book of life!  An intense scene in the most awesome movie ever.  It just doesn’t make up who I am in this space and time and it never will.  

I am THANKFUL to be in the PRESENT fully MIND, BODY and Soul!!! 

Does My CONFIDENCE Make You __________?

As the old adage goes you come into this world alone and you will leave out of this world alone.  Ok got it!  Truly it does make sense!  So what happens in between when we arrive and when we depart? From what I would like to know (never say assume) is that we arrive and begin to gather information, mannerisms, beliefs, thoughts or whatever to begin to create your sense of being.  We hear so much of what makes us who we are.  Just think about it the influences that we visually see from an infant to adulthood.  We have “The Tribe”, Ethnicity, Astrological Signs, Perception, Peers, etc……there is so much that our eyes see and what our ears hear.  Now of course everything that we take into our psyche is not all positive.  There is a balance which we know as positive-negative, black-white, right-wrong or however you want to conceive or perceive it.  Throughout time in a sense of war there have been two entities that choose to challenge each other.  Alliances are made and the clash begins.   One is victorious and the other is not.  It is just fact and part of our everyday lives. We do not need to be in a physical war to experience war!  As it could be a personal one within yourself or a disagreeance with another.  No matter if you believe it or not the MIND is a very powerful tool it is not a matter of the conceptual idealism’s that is put forth into our minds it is totally what we experience – see, feel, taste and touch (all senses involved)!  Each and every action again makes us who we are.  Allowing us to experience life on a daily bases and formulates the very pictures that flash into our minds from time to time or in the wonderful epic movies we called dreams.

Within our dreams we can be anything that we want to be……but wait a minute isn’t that what we are told anyway!  The segments that play in our minds are supposed to be what it is to take shape in our real lives.  With those very pictures it gives us the gumption, the confidence to pursue and make it happen.  And check this out!!!  Read this over and over again please BECAUSE MY DREAMS ARE EXACTLY THAT DAWN’s!!!  Hey feel free to replace my name with yours.  Again we have an internal plan that was programmed within us from birth.  It is the paths and the steps that we take that allow us to make them come alive. 

It is very detrimental as a very young child to say or express that they cannot be whatever they want to be!  It is the parents, the tribe that we are accustomed to and told that have our best interest at heart.  So, why would my dreams impact you?  Why would my desires make you think that I am overly CONFIDENT?  Why do I have to tone down my happiness because you don’t allow yourself to see outside of the realm of your existence?  Why as they say “Hate on Me” because I have a dream.   Why should I be just a regular bird as birds flock together?  I want to be an EAGLE!!!!  Eagles do not flock (Thx Dr.MM)………get it they soar higher than any other bird.  They have an expansive wing span and they have almost bionic vision. Why would I not want to see further than the eye can see (i.e., imagination)!  Why would I want to settle?  I want to set goal, after goal after goal!  I want to reach my goals and once it is reached as it is a personal one I want to create new ones!  I would think in my mind that if you set a goal and you reach it don’t you stop????  Does reaching your goal stipulate that your life is over?  Do you think that is all that you are capable of doing?  NO WAY!!!  I challenged you to set another one and more after that!  And while we are at it why not set a goal of something that you would never think that you would do……something that you have tucked away in your mind for the “Break Glass In Case Of Emergency” thing.  And when I make reference to goals it doesn’t have to be big as some people think that goals need to be massive.  It could be let’s say for me writing a book.  Set time out each and every day, do your research to make it happen and if you pursue it will definitely come to you. 

And check this out.  It doesn’t even have to be discussed with anyone it could just be an action – your action!  Face it we all want to be at our very best and keep ourselves HAPPY!  Isn’t that what our experience is all about?  It is that internal confidence that is not a bad thing but a good thing!   It pushes us to believing in ourselves and knowing that we are in tuned with the higher power.  I am not giving or implying a specific higher power as beliefs are beliefs individual or in a group!  There is no wrong or right it is to whom you have quite time with, that inner voice within, bow your head to………or kneel.

In my worldly presence I am confident in who created me and what I am capable of doing!  I BELIEVE in myself like no other.  I see myself as a child of the creator!  A Queen within my castle (my body)!  So YES I will admit I am very CONFIDENT! 

But I am not a………………..

SNOB

BOUJIE

BETTER THAN

CONCEITED

ANGRY

COLD

HEARTLESS

SELFISH

MISS KNOW IT ALL

GOODIE TWO SHOES (man that is totally old school)

ALL THAT

And most definitely I am not a B!@$% (that totally rhymes with itch or whatever comes to mind)!!

This list can go for an eternity

So again I ask DOES MY CONFIDENCE MAKE YOU ____________?

Instead of judging me embrace me!  My gift was given to me for a reason!  No two people are alike although there are similarities.  But the path that I walk will not affect your path.  It may enhance it but it will never ever supersede yours!  Your path is just as important as mine!   Be a trailblazer within yourself and create!  Make it a new journey in life………….FOR YOURSELF!  That is what confidence is truly about allowing yourself to be YOU no matter what other people think! (Thank you TAD J)

And once you have that within you, you can truly share with another and make a difference in the world! 

To all who have an opportunity to read my words ~ I THANK YOU in advance!   As this is truly part of what makes me Dawn!   The coolest chick in the Universe LOL!!!!

The Tribe

My spirit is telling me that I left the tribe a very long time ago.  But, what astounds me is that I am sure from birth that it was never part of my existence.  OK…. so you may be wondering what exactly am I talking about “The Tribe”….Literally this is not survivor!  Or is it hmmmmm……………………. Let me explain as I was listening to one of my many mind blowing cd’s (thx Dr. WD) for some reason “the tribe” stood out and very clear to me.  OMG how could this resonate so loudly in my head looping around as if it was a broken recorded the tribe, the tribe, the tribe.  Ok I get it!  As I began to put pen to paper the words began to flow……

As if the brightest light was turned on and for the entire world to see!!!

T  H E  T R I B E

It flashed again in my mind!  I began to smile because I know how the tribe affects or non affects my life.  From the moment of life outside of the womb I was immediately thrust into a tribe, whether I wanted to be or not.  From what I gather is that this tribe is suppose to feed you, comfort you, protect you and make you feel as if you belong  that you are a important vital part.  In my earlier years I did everything right “so I thought” to be a member.  I followed the set rules well actually two sets of the tribe’s rules and society.  As I began to see that a lot of things that pertained to the tribe were not appealing to me.  I had my own ideas, thoughts, and segments of happiness that I wanted to share.

As the chief of the tribe internally and externally spoke in a thunderous voice reminding me that my thoughts were not needed!  My voice was silent!  For in fact if you go against this quasi entity then you will find yourself alone, ostracized.  Basically, if you are not a part; you are a void, nonexistent a non entity.

It was at that time that I entered another form of tribal oneness otherwise known to mere mortals as the “school system”.  Gosh this was so brand new to me!  I was so excited because I have never been a part of this before!  So many new members, different hues, different dialects.  But, what I saw was astounding even more chiefs existed.  As my mind was taken on many journeys I wanted to be the best and I knew I would be ok and not be suppressed………………WRONG!!!

I was ostracized!  For excelling, being smart, being me, my voice; just all in all exercising my intellectual being.  And not just by the chiefs but from the ones who were considered as my peers the minions!   But, what really opened my eyes was my very own family (the tribe).  This daily exercise was a never ending ritual!  Each and every minute, hour, day, month, year!  As I tried to go my own way to explore, someone would always call me out in the tribal meetings that were held.

I was always asked why?

Why can you be like?

Why do you want so much more?

But why do you want to leave the tribe?

And finally I was told this …….. You will not make it with your views!  You need to be like us.   You will just have to accept what is before you because that is all that you are going to get!

Stop daydreaming because it will never be. 

Because I was not tribalanized I took those thoughts in my head and put them very far back because I knew that there was so much more that I could experience and incorporate into my world.

A world that I was worthy of no matter what the other members believe or said!

 At that very point I decided that I am no longer needed and kicked myself out of the tribe.  Even though I was told that the membership was lifelong until I die kind of membership!  But you know what I will take my changes and go out into the world as one.  In hopes of finding more like me my search will be a lifelong endeavor!

It feels good to have finally voided myself of that segment of my life.  A new process, a way of thinking!  Do I have fear well maybe a teeny tiny type but not FEAR that would hold me back. 

For I am my own Island

And it is named The Isle of DAWN

An Introduction of Dawn

Words have always been a very big part of my life.  At a very early age teachers encouraged me to write as I had a very vivid imagination or could it have been that I just talked an awful lot!  As I kept this part of me very close and a secret from everyone I continued to read and write daily.   It never dawned on me that this facet of me was my joy, my gift that made me so very happy!  As I began to go through the stages of life my writing would come and go like the ebb and tides of the sea.  Life would somehow get in the way of this which was such a very big part of me that somehow connected me to a higher realm.  Although this part of me was dormant I knew that it would be rekindled like the spark of life to the flames of my soul. As things shifted in my life, my path was redirected to the Middle East. There were so many times on this adventure that my gift would slowly come to the forefront to let me know that “I am still here”.  Suddenly the words began to flood my mind no matter where I was I would stop and write as they were whispered in my ear from above directing me to pass this onto the world…..but how I pondered.

What I have learned that no matter what language, written or spoken words play a very big part of our worldly existence.  It is a form of communication that will be drawn to you.  It provokes thought in mastering the parallel of societies that we live in and embrace as a part of our daily activities. 

I hope that you enjoy and partake in this vast journey of life ~ my life guided from above giving you all that I am!  The Dawn