THE PURGE

As I slowly make my way into another dimension of life.  I felt a heaviness that was like no other.  It is something that I have never ever felt before.  It was an uneasy feeling that was placed upon my soul.   Where did this feeling come from?   But more importantly why is it cropping up right now in my life?    As I searched within the books of life I tend to think back to when I would have experienced or felt the heaviness that was thrust upon me.  From what I recall the only time I could think of was my mother’s death.  I couldn’t even imagine why this would be cropping up now within my being.   

I think it all began with a move from one location to another upon the sands of the east.   There was an urgency of moving the entire office as well as personal things.  No matter how I prepared and planned nothing will take shape until we actually go forth with the movement and begin a new life amongst the trees of palms.  In the deep crevasses of my heart there was a resistant and not a need or urgency to move!  I had that moment of really this is actually going to happen WOW!  Too many years, too much time, too many memories cast into the life that once was.  

The move took place and all of the pieces of the puzzle were thrust into my new abode, a new location, a new way of life.  Now, I wasn’t overly enthused but what I did know was that I would not be the same!  This was a new experience and a new journey in life forced upon me.  I have never been one to shy away from a new experience or challenge but it somewhat felt overwhelming.  All eyes on me!   As the inner child prompted the outer woman to mesh together and become the being that she is destined to be.  This was full circle and these steps taken are part of my lessons along the way to create my destiny.   Now I profess I am in a new place and a new space so unfamiliar to me. 

Each and every day I would go to work and go through the motions to complete the task for the day and then return to my chu.  Basically a chu is my place of residence, my abode, my home to where I lay my soul every night to rest the mind within.  As my eyes wandered around the room I saw possessions clothes, shoes, books, knick knack and so forth.  It wasn’t messy but it was a lot a complete overload to the visual.  Each day I told myself that I would begin to break it down and purge...but each day turned into a night, week, and month but, Thank God a year.  Although my mind wanted me to break everything down out of boxes and bags my spirit wouldn’t allow me. 

As I continued to walk into the chu at the end of a long day I would look around and tell myself tomorrow Dawn, tomorrow.  And my mind would respond ok we will take care of this tomorrow.  Then I would lay my head down on my bed and wake up the next day and do the same thing. 

For some reason a spark happened and it was after the 30 day fast (Ramadan)…   It wasn’t sudden but it was those teeny tiny steps I began to refocused and get back on track to Dawnness!  If you know me it is meditation, visualization, speaking, reading and being.  In other words being who I am and what I was thrust upon this earth to be.

I will admit with all that I know and do for others it seems that the very things that I know works I was getting stuck in the abyss and really couldn’t see my way out of it.  But, my trusty inner voice told me to take one thing at a time.  To set a plan and focus on what you want to see.   If you want to see change you must be change!  And in retrospect it is not a matter of how fast or slow it is a matter of taking that tiny step to begin. 

Visually in my mind I already had everything done and I saw exactly how it is to be.  As I smiled from the inside out a transformation was beginning.  The things that I didn’t have time to do I slowly began to do them and it didn’t really add on to my time management.  I was still being where I needed to be and doing what I was to do. 

As I began to gain momentum I started to see the light within…

Each night I would come in and began to dump a bag here a piece of luggage there.  As I went through the motions of moving forward.    

One morning I listened to a re-play of an abundance speaker and one thing that stuck out was if your “home is cluttered with stuff then so is your mind”.  The speaker stated that to begin to gain your energy back and the chi to flow you must delete things out of your life.  Things that you have not worn or used for a year…so yes clothes, shoes, and other things became a part of the process.  It was very shocking that things that still had a tag on it were part of the Purge!  As I was going through my closet and my storage bin my mind wanted to make the excuses and say “Hey Dawn don’t you need that top you MIGHT be able to wear it”.  At first the ego said “Yeah Dawn you need that top don’t get rid of it keep it”!  My hand slowly began to pull it back and put it back onto the keep pile.  That is when the word “PURGE” was heard…Dawn you must purge to get to the next level to gain the peace and abundance that you so desire you must let go, you must release, and you must surrender.  WOW that inner voice was very loud and strong!!!  And I would respond ~ I know you‘re right inner voice!

We always feel that we are in charge of our lives when in fact we are not.  There comes a time when you look back at all of the scenes of your life and you wonder wow how did that happen and how did I correct that particular problem.  I know that there is a power that is so much bigger than life!   It is within and we are a part of the dynamics of it. For without us there would not be the energy that surrounds us. We are a part of the makeup of life; we are a part of nature, of the world, of the planet colliding with the universe.  With all of these words and thoughts popping in my head it gave me a reason to pull it all together and make those steps towards the inner dynamics of my life work.
I began to see if for what it was!   All of the things and the confusion was a shield that was cast around me.   It protected me and I felt comfortable.  I didn’t have to think about anything I knew how to maneuver within that space.  I automatically knew to open the door take 3 steps and you are here 5 more steps and you’re walking around this or that. 

WHY?

WHY?

WHY?
I had surrounded myself with this armor of a false sense of possessions to include a cluttered mind.
What took time to attain vanished within a few moments of time.  It was the ability to see it for what it was.  To be able to take it all in, figure it out and see a change was the happiest part of the entire process.  And I will tell you that this process was not just a couple of days it extended well over a month.  And as wacky as it may sound the purging was not just physical stuff it was also internal as well.

That itself was a very hard part to endure!  The ego comes in and speaks very loudly but you just have to suppress it.  The ego convinced me that all was well in health and with my spirit but I now know that I was starving both of them. The regiments that I was on and the rituals that consumed me every day was no longer.  I wondered how I got to this point.  I was always regimented…I felt a sense of sadness come over me and I really felt like I was punishing my soul and not feeding my body with the nourishment that it needs on that particular level.  But what kept playing in my head was small steps make big changes, small steps makes big changes over and over again.

The “Dawn Moment” as I would like to say was when I looked at my chu and it was with less and it didn’t feel really heavy!   I could actually see the sunlight streaming through the window bouncing off the walls into a room full of light. 

From the small changes that I began to make it really didn’t take up a lot of my time it was a matter of organizing or “prioritization of my life” (thanks JM your amazing)!  It was the late night talking that lead to your comment and a door opening up within me (wink)! 
It was a conversation that sparked a movement within when I didn’t have strength to do it before.   I began to change my thoughts and then the strength began to come back.  Slowly, but surely things began to fall into place.   And the changes that were made on the physical and mental came together to make me whole again.

When you are living life and when you feel that it is too heavy to bear take a moment and sit back and a look around at what surrounds you.  To you it may be things and you may feel that you need them but those very things could be holding you back from what you are to do in life.  Things as we know them to be are very nice and good to look at. But, what I realized is that it is the experiences that I can write, speak and visually partake in.  Speaking, writing and the visual is what I can make as part of my legacy…That is what I can share with the people that I love!  These are the experiences that make up the stories of life.  For me “The Purge” is a chapter of my life that has been completed written and stored within my library that makes up Dawn. 

I cannot recall a time that I felt that I was walking along the longest and darkest tunnel with the light that shines so bright within.  Now I can write it and realize that the ego is a powerful source within.  It will tell you what it wants you to hear and somewhat alter your vision to see what it wants you to see. 

I’ve never been one to want to be like someone else or want what others had.  I’ve always been the Dawn that is happy to be Dawn.  Yes, we all want to make changes to and within ourselves.  But when you really think about it upon birth we are at out most perfect form of life.  We have not been tainted we are as pure as we are connecting with source!

As life moves forward and we tend to fall into the society norms.  Overall what we really need to do is when things start to get really heavy in our lives take an assessment, prioritize, review, relook and purge to a new you!