BEING DAWN

Within the rigors of work a friend (Hi Trevor) saw me and didn’t see me smiling which is what the world looks to see.  Of course a conversation ensued and he said “Oh you’re just Being Dawn”…

Needless to say HEY WORLD let’s start this journey in words…

Hmmm….what exactly does it mean Being Dawn?   Well many years ago I was conceived I guess that is when Being Dawn came about.  In the very early years I had no clue or conception as I was a Dawn in training.  I was the tiniest little sponge with eyes to visualize, a mouth to make sounds and ears to record the minuet parts of the world that I came to be a part of.  As I sit now in amazement I look at babies and I wonder exactly what are they thinking?  What do they see and hear.  I can see beyond the eyes (which by the way an unusual fact) that the size of your eyes upon birth is the same size that you have as an adult.  And that little fact amazes me.  So when I look into a child’s eyes it is the calmest experience because you are not sure what they are seeing but you just know that there is something going on as they are a living being soaking up the experience.   There are so many different directions that I can go in with this title and if you know me you know how my mind goes and how the words are formulate from above.  I don’t alter or adjust I embrace and rely on the power from above that is so massive (smile). 

As we know Dawn means Sunrise (wink) and to be honest that is me I’m not a late sleeper I get up early.  It has been said that the time that you are most comfortable with rising in the morning is the time that is closely associated with your birth time,  and for me that was early sans being named Dawn. When I was younger and in elementary I was the ONLY Dawn YAY!!!!  But then when I went  to high school gosh another Dawn and the way that they would refer to use was either “The Black Dawn” or “The White Dawn” really ummm… my last name is Gregory therefore making me Dawn Gregory no colors associated.  I don’t think that civil rights on all counts for humanity would have liked that at all.  Anyway, it happened, it existed, it was real and it didn’t affect who I was or am…I AM DAWN (sounds like a cool movie)

As a very young girl I always attracted attention and believe me I didn’t ask for it at all. I was happy being in Dawn’s World, Dawn’s skin and Dawn’s existence.  I was not one to be part of a group or to be in a clique I was always me no matter what. In the town that I lived in you have the type of people who had and the ones who society felt didn’t.  It was that stereotypical form of separation that we tend to still see today. To me I was one of the haves in my mind anyway. 

Society Haves~ They have a lot of money, can get whatever they want and they answer to no one.

Dawn’s Haves ~ Family is the most important aspect of your world.  They look out for you and you could tell them anything (well some of them lol).  You know that you would never starve or be without a place to stay.  They are Family they look out for you love you and help you create your world.

Society Have Not’s ~ They don’t have a lot of money, they can’t get whatever they want and they answer to everyone

Dawn’s Have Not’s ~ In my world there are no have not’s because everyone has the ability to use their minds, to pray, manifest, visualize and to essentially create a new story.   But, to society ~ me, mom and my 2 brothers were in this category

What was so very strange is that I never felt as if I didn’t have when I was younger.  You only begin to notice when you are integrated into another world like “school”!  Gosh it is when many different tribes come together to learn and intermingle amongst the beings.  One of my ways to escape was books and fashion magazines.    OMGosh I loved looking in them at clothes, shoes and I still do it til this day.  I LOVE FASHION, FABRIC and the ART thereof it is a part of my creativity!  So how does this relate well? Hmmm…let’s see part of being who we are is our identity and how people identify us correlates with segments or parts of ourselves that may stand out.  For me it was clothes and being that I was a so call “Have Not” I didn’t have the ability to just fly to Paris and pick out an outfit from Chanel.  I had to become creative to fulfill that part of me and that was learning how to sew (Thx Lorraine).  My aunt sewed and that was the best thing that ever happened to me (she gave me a set of wings) as it seemed that I had a gift of fashion, a way with fabric and could whip up something as quick as I turned the page of a magazine to look at it.  I remember vividly seeing a red suit in vogue and next thing you know I had some fabric and a pattern that I always altered to make it specific to me.  In school we had sewing as an elective so I took it and the first project was an apron, pillow or skirt.  Since I was advanced I picked a skirt and made a jacket too and I was put in an advanced class (smile).  Those were the good ol days!  Now, I still look at mags but I am in the sand with no sewing machine or fabric. But, in a land faraway I was able to find a muse in Bangkok that has awesome skills and I am forever grateful. 

Another aspect of Being Dawn was the verbal skills as in talking.  Man I use to get into trouble all the time.  I can remember my mom telling me to “Be quiet”.  I was so thinking gosh I have a brain and a mouth to speak but of course I never said it.  I wanted to talk all the time to show my family how much I knew about facts of the world and random stuff.  Some may say a “Miss Know It All” But, I like to say I am an Informative Being of the Universe (IBU).  Hey that sounds cool and I will surely use that in the future.    Gosh she would use hand signals, gestures and the ever so famous “Dawn Be Quiet” or “Shut up”!  Thank God I didn’t listen because that was truly a part of me that I didn’t control at all.  The ability to learn, gather, partition and assimilate things in my head is an art within itself. 

As am writing this I am asking myself so how will this strike a chord among the masses?  How can someone learn or relate to what I am writing about.  Well, I cannot answer that question but what I can say is that this piece was so much fun and quasi insane and brought back so many memories. 

What I have learned is that BEING DAWN is exactly that.  I cannot be anyone else but me that is what I know and have grown to love.  The Dawn that I know (well I guess I can tell you it is kind of a secret)…

She is funny, whimsical, a little girl in a grown-ups body, loves life, likes to talk, loves sports, loves clothes, loves traveling, loves being a vegetarian (a real one not fake, poser or wannabe) lol, hmmmm….how funny is that! 

Gosh I am smiling when I think of this because no matter what people think or say I will still be DAWN! 

So when you think about yourself and who you are as in BEING __________ (fill in your name) think about to whom you truly are and what you are emitting to the world.  Think about the person that you know and who shadows you 24/7.  Is that the person that the world knows or that only you know?  Because if the world doesn’t know they are probably missing out on a wonderful experience.

We tend to sequester ourselves to not want to stand up and be noticed or to cause a scene.  Just think causing a scene or being noticed is not a bad thing at all because we are individuals we are here to shine our light bright.  And I suggest if darkness is around the corner trying to catch up with you that you quickly hold up your lantern of life and push them or it away.

Life is such a wonderful experience and it is truly up to you to LIVE IT!  There are obstacles that are thrown in our path but it is up to you if you stumble or step over it.  Remember the mind is a powerful tool as it is used in so many ways (positive or negative).  How you perceive or live life is totally up to you whether you live with open or closed eyes!   I can say that I have down times and up times but I am doing my best to stay on the positive end of the spectrum! 

Because if “Being Dawn” is just being then when does the living begin?   When does life take shape and who decides?   Well the voice in my head (No, I’m not crazy it’s from above silly) says I do so ~ Let Life Begin!!!

Don’t stand on the sideline in LIFE ~ PARTICIPATE ~ EMBRACE & LIVE!  Only you know how to do it for you.  I can’t live your life or subject you to my idea of living!  What I can do is give you Positive Thoughts, Words and Actions to push you forward to what you want it to be ~ That is my gift to you as…BEING DAWN!

Looking Back To Where It All Began...My Life Abroad Many Miles Traveled To Finding Dawn

I can replay the very first day that I arrived here to a so call war zone country as the plane touched down I wondered if I was making the biggest mistake of my life... I missed my son and the town in which I resided but what was oh so different was that My Hometown (thx Bruce Springsteen) was as if  I was looking in the rearview mirror....long gone!  That was yesterday and I can never get it back no matter how hard I tried! As my eyes welled up with the waves of the ocean my heart felt like it was taken from my body and given to my son to keep until I returned back to him!

In a decision that we both made together this journey of what I thought was to give him a future was actually to also put the pieces of Dawn back together again. And believe me that was a never ending puzzle still not completed til this day!  It is the many pieces in various shapes, sizes and hues that are typically to create the wonderment of life!  How is it that you are living a life that you actually think you’re in control of?  It is what you are seeing that is the misconception of what your life is supposed to be!  It is the variations of life that will predict your steps therefore resulting in either wearing the same shoes or getting new ones to move within a different direction!

The hardest decision I had to make was to put on those new shoes and walk in a different light and correct the unstable steps that I was taking.   Moving forward with a different stride with all of the regalia and standing tall (I am a Queen ~ JM)! How did I know that at the very second that I arrived that I would be thrust into a venomous pit of destruction! I had no way of knowing but, what I did have was my son’s presence within my eyes and my heavenly father’s hand to guide me as I do today.

So what constitutes a long time
Is it by
Minutes
Seconds
Hours
Days
Months
Years
From where these words lies within my mind I know that singularly they have affected my world in ways that I would not have even envisioned within my life. Each and every day of my existence I always think of my son and how he came to be.  In the tiny spec of life he took a 9 month journey from a foreign land and entered into a world that was to be a part of his experience! Children can teach you so much in life and in times when I feel I can't go on I tend to think about those days when he would make me laugh or assure me that things will be ok (love u Khi)!  It is that bond of trust, understanding and unconditional love that I will carry with me for many lifetimes! The gift of a presence that was molded into LIFE!!

So as I look back to the rearview mirror that had shaped my path, my journey and destiny...somewhere along the path there was an alternate route that was created!   A change in direction, a quick step to the left or right that changed my whole world!

What I didn't understand is the world that was in the rearview seemed to be wonderful!   It seemed to work!   It seemed to be everything that a part of my mind wanted to happen! It was a dream that came to be for a short amount of time to get me to the next phase of my journey!

How did I know that everything would be altered!   How could I prepare for what was once a fairytale life that suddenly turned into a mode of survival! It was a reenactment of a segment that I saw when I was a much younger girl that had not a care in the world except ~ Being Dawn.  It was a time of shyness a time of discovery a time of trusting and a time of growth! With all of those words within my heads and the clarity of my eyes to see I began to create the very different parts of me....somewhat of an actress.  I began to create and hone the many layers of Dawn. As I began to get older I realized that the many layers were slowly being peeled away to expose a beautiful being that is able to express, expose and write about life in a simple word "dawnology".  So looking back propelled me into creating a new experience!

And with the newness that washes over me I became A New Dawn!

The rearview that has been enhanced to alter for the present! No baggage, No experiences, No past. For that has been shelved within the library of Dawn…deep, deep, deep on the shelves within my soul! But, just in case I still have my library card as I may need to check out a previous experience.  But now that I think about it I don't want to re-energize the past no need to repeat it or look back as I have said "I am looking at 2013 with new eyes" (Hey Jason)

So when you think of  looking back to where it all began...
Look at it as a stepping stone along your journey of  life
A propelling point to your beginning
Looking back doesn't mean to carry it forward
It means to acknowledge what you did experience and gone through! I'm not asking you to not acknowledge but I am asking you NOT to DWELL ON IT!!

It Is

Past vs. Present
Present vs. Past
It is the ability to partition segments of your life the good and not so good
It is the means of saying you know maybe my childhood wasn't perfect but look at where I am today! And to think what is perfect because we all have flaws....
No one is the same as well as the experiences of life…
Our parents raised us to the best of their ability to what they saw fit for us and what they learned from their parents and surroundings which created there past! It is an evolutional circle of evolving. It is the masses that try to fit within the same shapes and molds for life! It is a visionary journey with eyes wide shut only to be opened upon your emergence into the world!

When will you decide to move forward
To express
To live
To embrace
To Love
To actually stand in the mirror and say to the person that stands before you ~ Life has been such a sequel of events but I am happy to have experienced the many facets of ___________ (fill in your name)! I am happy, comfortable and excited about who I am! My past is the past but my present is NOW and I am ready to live! I am ready to be all that I am destined to be.

Once you can look at yourself within the mirror face to face, eye to eye then you are ready to take the most crucial steps of life and that is being true to yourself (Hey Marshe) which will promote change! We did not come here to be stagnant!   We are like the water within an ocean swirling and existing in a vast pool of earth spilling over into our universe! When will you dip yourself in it and explore the wonders of who you really are! It takes a tiny gesture a small thought a wanting a desire...

Challenge yourself to being the most awesome being ever!  The most original… The never to be a duplicated being!

Because when it comes time for you to rest until the next phase of your existence and the speech is being spoken just think of how you want your story and/or movie to reach the masses...

I know that mine is going to be the coolest (wink)...

What about yours???

THE RESURRECTION

We always seem to associate the word resurrection to spiritual beliefs a miraculous feat of the dead rising back to life.  As the story is told it is a wonderful thing to be able to see, feel and experience that.

Every Easter it is a known day of meaning, thoughts, topics etc.  We can look at this on the sense of the biblical aspect but for me I look at it as a word that has impacted my existing life as I walk and breathe today…tomorrow…forever…until eternity.

Death doesn’t necessarily have to be the complete ending...as I believe the soul continues to exist.  But death can be seen in many ways as in

~ Ending of ~

Life

Marriage

Relationship

Friendship

Job

Business

There are so many endings that we experience in life as the list can go on and on.   I am sure that we all have experienced something that takes our mind to space of the life is being sucked out of you and you feeling as if you have died.  That there was absolutely no hope of it ever existing again.  It is with that mindset that I know that you can reflect and see that yes I have experienced so many deaths in my life yet I still continue to live.

Some of you may be saying what in the world or should I say universe is she talking about.  Well let me give you an example of a “Death” for me….

Being married was typically another form of life that was breathed into me.  It took me to take another phase in my life to shape and mold newness that I have never experienced before.  You begin to formulate your place in the relationship, keeping in mind that the man is the lead.  The masculine entity to guide and direct the family to greatness no matter what that may be to you (Guys how’s that wink)!   Yes I am a woman and I said that lol! 

So you make plans and you want the dream that is depicted to us and embedded in our brains from day 1.   A house with a picket fence, car, 1.5 children and a dog oh yeah and how can I forget a JOB!  You go off to college and come back and the family say hmm…..it’s about time you get married!  Well unfortunately I don’t have anyone in my life right now but I guess I can get married.  So there goes the timestamp…Keep in mind ladies they keep saying that 30 is kind of like over the hill as the tribe keeps reminding you over and over again.  You begin to feel like damn I better get all of this done before I expire (You’re getting old OMGosh another form of death).  You do the best you can to work and try to get out there to meet someone that you think is suitable for this to become a reality.  But what if the tribe begins to give you suggestions “Oh have you seen____ OMG he has turned out to be really handsome”.  I saw _____ mother today and she said that he was available.  How in the world do you get to that part of the conversation while standing in the grocery store looking at fruit hahahahaha (never figured that one out)!  I have no idea but I know one thing that I would never ever subject my child to that as it is totally uncalled for and embarrassing as hell!  Keep in mind in other countries that is called an arranged marriage which you have no say so at all.  You come home one day and two tribes are there discussing the finer points of the transaction and next thing you know you have to pack and move in with a person you don’t even know.  Need I say more?

Ok yeah back to the story...

So you meet someone and you begin to share experiences to get to know each other within yourselves and your tribes.  There is so much to do in such a short amount of time a date has to be agreed upon and that is when the tribes begin to make demands.  It is bad enough that you have to pull this spectacular event together but now we have demands in seating, food, alcohol, music, clothing colors and choices and people who are just barred from coming at all.  Talk about added pressure.  Once everything is orchestrated and the day comes it is show time.  Words are exchanged and next thing you know your name has changed.   Ever second, minute, hour, day, month, and year you are building, growing and learning and building your legacy as 2 individuals have collided into 1.  Then somehow life gets in the way and things change for whatever reason.  Sometimes it slaps you right in the face or other times it creeps up on you like a thief in the night.   Either way it is that train that is barreling down the track towards the light at the end of the tunnel and you cannot stop it… The only thing that you can do is brace yourself for impact and hope that no one gets hurt in the process.  And then wham life as we knew it no longer exists…the dynamics changes rapidly.  To some tribe member either party is considered as dead just disappearing from their lives as a whole.  In an unrealistic mind it has something to do with being from one tribe and not being able to continue the relationship even though things have changed.   And believe you me tribe members, friends and acquaintances can and will turn on you like a pack of wild dogs.  I’ve never understood that and til this day I never will.  You all have invested many years of experiences with one another and all of a sudden you don’t exist you’re dead.  That to me is very small minded and very selfish.  Because, at a time when either party needs you most you turn your back on them with absolutely no remorse. I guess you have never heard of  the word KARMA!   The same ones that were smiling in your face are the ones that will put a knife in your back.  And guess what it is not your fault, you haven’t changed.  What has changed is the dynamics, the world, the universe and your soul that has grown into the need of belonging is ever more not present. 

We as humans are so selfish and one-sided in our thought process.  When was the last time that you have stepped out of your shoes and put on someone else’s?  For some it may have been NEVER and I suggest you try it out one day as your eyes will be opened.  Can you ever look at another and truly believe in your heart and soul that you understand what they are dealing with?  If you can then you are one of the elite the very few that has compassion.  Compassion is not something that you learn, it is something that is instilled in you at birth….It is the rushing of feelings that allows you to feel that persons soul and know what they are dealing with in life.  It is the silent whisper that says I am here and I will never leave you ever.  A compassionate mind, leads to compassionate thoughts which transcends into a compassionate vision of hope in the world we live in! ~ Dawn

You may be wondering how this all ties in!  Well….

For myself I have experienced a lot of physical deaths which is forever within my lives.  But it is the silent deaths that no one can visually see but only you can feel which essentially will consume your soul.  It is everything that has existed in your life being ripped away and disgarded as if it never really ever existed at all.  It is the steps that you have taken that are erased as you begin to take the next step with no path to create or follow.  It is the history that you have created being wiped away from you book of life.  It is a brain wipe a reconfiguring of your mind, thoughts, actions transcending to a new tone of voice.  A new way of existing a new life to live. 

As we know death to be in our world I ask that you don’t think of it as just a physical that you also think of it as a mental form of distinction!  There are many ways to accept any form of death but with that said are you strong enough as the story to be born again to rise to be renewed.  Our higher power gave his all so that we can have everlasting life.  Whether you believe or not that is up to you but be sure and know that there is something bigger than us!  Just as we exist so does others in this microscopic life that we live.  Technically we are only a tiny particle in a vast universe. 

As you walk your path of the cookie cutter life that you may have decided that you want to live know that there is something far greater than what you have and see.  A practice that I like to use is where I close my eyes and I begin to walk (using my mind to take me on my journey) or sit in a never ending space of silence.  The only thing that I see is darkness without limits there are no boundaries just ongoing.  So why can’t I live like that?   It is a stillness that is comforting nothing being distorted or tainted!  It is a peace that I have never ever felt before in this stage of my life until I began to incorporate this into my existence.  What you will do is concentrate on your breathing and the silence and peace will take over.  A form of meditation but in accordance to Dawn’s needs and this is what works for me but may not work for you.  But, I will say that a mere 5 minutes of meditation will change your world. 

Know that in our universe which is comprised of many worlds that there has to be a power, a source a energy that we can draw from to push us to the next realm. 

I have never ever thought about it this way as a phrase could be “I have died a million deaths” or “ a cat has nine lives”…I will tell you this each death that I have experienced I have also had a rebirth again just as the sun rises.  Did I know that I would at that time NO!  I thought that my life was over and in a sense yes it was. But, what they don’t tell you is that a new cycle, phase, existence begins..

A “BRAND NEW DAY” as I like to say A NEW DAWN (wink) which will be shown upon you but, you have to have belief not just in a powerful source but in yourself.  Hey you have alot to experience and so much resilience in life when are you going to tap into that energy?

When are you going to say maybe it didn’t work but guess what I have risen like the phoenix out of the fire (thx KP2).  That it is this death of nonexistence in which I have suffered which has given me time to be reborn.  It truly makes me smile to look back in the void of darkness and know that the lantern that was placed for me to pick up on my trail of life sat there and waited for me.  The light was never extinguished it just shined brightly hoping that the tiny hand of faith would bring us together.

WOW!!!  That is such a powerful play on words…the nonexistent physical light that called out to my inner voice has now been found by my soul.

And that is where the story essentially began

I AM

REBORN

REFRESHED

RENEWED

ALIVE

I AM RESSURECTED….

Is Happiness Elusive In Our Lives

There were times in my life when HAPPINESS has certainly eluded my existence, even though I felt that I was happy.  It was something that I felt I had in my life but could not see.  Or what I should say I could see it but I was not holding onto it with a tight grip.  So why is that so….

I recall as a young child that people always said that I was a happy girl.  And I would smile and actually figured that I was.  I had no worries at all the only thing was being me and yet at this very time that I am thinking about it was I actually happy.  I know that I was happy on certain occasions like my birthday!   That was 100% of happiness oozing out of me nonstop.  And I am starting to get that feeling because it is coming up in May and I start to get excited months in advance.  I am not sure what it is but it is the excitement and just the awe of my existence and day that excites me.  I think on the level of my inception (mom and dad), the nesting phase of my mom carrying me around and nurturing me even before I set foot into the real world. Finally the day for me to enter the world as the precious gift I am…Here’s to the years that I have traveled within my past to my present therefor resulting in a dynamic future!

Gosh when you think about it, it really takes a lot to get us to where we are just to this present day…I’m not even counting the future lol!  But right now I will concentrate on today as we are to be at this moment.  Appreciative of the seconds, moments, minutes, hours, days, months and years..that we may or may not be promised.  As we know that time does not wait for anyone neither does life.  In the big scheme of things part of our existence is essentially to enjoy this experience on Mother Earth on our Planet that we call home.  So what is so hard with that request?

There comes a time when we have to really sit down and look at ourselves which are a reflection of the world that is thrust upon us.  So what comes to me ~ Are we Living Life?  Or is Life Living Us?  Are we here to experience or is the experiences already embedded in us… Do we already come preprogrammed with the amount of Happiness that we are to experience?   Well that may be an explanation for some but what a difference it would be that we could only experience a certain amount of happiness.  That we would have to regulate the sporadic surges of happiness that we can exude.  Hmmm…scary to say the least. 

I am just sitting here and laughing at myself because I have actually regulated my happiness without even knowing it.  There are so many times when people would say or do something to hurt me or to be negative or nasty towards me.  I would take that in and it would fester like a rotting piece of meat inside of my body (no disrespect to meat eaters of the world).  Each and every word is ingested and it begins to plug up the soul.  The soul cannot breathe, see, hear, touch or feel it is just there existing.   As the body continues to function the levels of happiness are going down almost to depletion.  Think of it as a thermometer if you have a temperature the mercury rises in accordance to the heat that your body is emitting.  That is the same way that my happiness was going up then down, up and down… That was the only way of knowing how I felt!  But, then again that was masked due to the fact that I just keep depositing the negativity and pushing it down because I am strong and can take it. I knew that their weakness was not going to be able to withstand the wraith that I would unleash if I told them exactly how I felt.  But as the bible has preached “turn the other cheek” it says.   And the old adages if you don’t have anything nice to say…then don’t say anything at all!  So if I am turning the other cheek what about the people who have inflicted there unsolicited opinion of me since I was such a young child!  The good thing is that I have not harbored any ill will against anything or anyone.  

Happiness is a birthright...A given...A promise from Above.  Never in my wildest dreams would I think that the higher power would want his/her creation (whatever your beliefs are) to not want to experience light instead of darkness.   As I continue to marvel within this sea of knowledge I know that I will somehow need a life raft to keep me a float and my life wrath is the higher power.  And believe you me I have that with me at all times!  I have always felt that happiness was just a smile on your face and not a feeling that combines them both together.  I figured if you were smiling then you have to have been happy...needless to say that is truly not the case in no way shape or form.  As I know it is a combination of inside and outside coming together and giving you this awesome glow (somewhat like the sun).  And when you are happy you have inner warmth that just takes over your whole body.  You have a different walk a different mentality and an overall sense of Happy.  Do we really know what that truly means?  Are we blinded to the fact that subconsciously we’re not wanting to accept the fact that Happy is actually a real mode of being or living. We see the word happy and typically it will make you happy as the mind relates to what we visualize.  Take a moment to think about this on an organic level take the word HAPPY – by you reading it and seeing it you automatically will feel good and your mind will translate to you visions or feeling thereof.   It is positive, it is light felt and filled it is a word that means so much to some and elusive to others.  Then try an opposite word as in Sad… immediately its zaps you of the happiness that you were feeling.  It will put the cloak of darkness across your soul and your feeling of warmth dissipates into the oblivious world of the unknown.  You may very well be thinking this is so minuscule in your facet of life but my friend it is so very powerful. 

We have discussed too many times how words can change your mind, emotions, feelings, decisions it can change up your whole purpose and meaning for life. 

My quest is simple it is to give what I have been given.  I have not lived a perfect life as some may say but I have lived to a certain extent…

By being out of the states for many years I have traveled many roads; felt many emotions felt alone so many times in my very grainy existence.  Does where I am in the world control how I truly feel? 

The correct answer is absolutely not…

It should not affect you as a person as you should be able to exist no matter where you are.  Culturally they may be differences but other than that the existence is supposed to be lived and the road is to be traveled.  

When I actually sat back and looked at the whole picture…I mean the entire picture of my life black and white and color which can actually translate into Happy (Color)  Black and White (Sad)…I was the one that controlled these very emotions in my life.  It didn’t matter if I was sitting by my pool in my big backyard in Jersey or if I was sleeping in a tent amongst hundreds of women in a war torn country…

My Existence

My Ability

My Desire

Is what I held in the palm of my hand?  Remember if you have faith of a mustard seed…need I say more.

My experience is mine and I can no longer let myself take another’s experience and make it to my own.  I cannot let another’s sadness control my level of what I am feeling.  I cannot let your decisions affect my wellbeing.  Basically is Happiness Elusive in our lives?  Being honest it has been for me from one time or another…

It is a matter of checking yourself and not looking for others to tell you when or how to be happy.  It is a matter of you choosing the life, the feeling the thoughts that you want to be a part of your life within your existence.  It is you finally owning who you are and what you will accept in your life.

To many times the tribe, friends and the unknowns will try to convince you of what you want or need in your life.  So, I ask is what they are asking or wanting for themselves or for your wellbeing?  Is it that they don’t have the courage or the aspirations to pursue it in their own lives?

Hmmm…

It is a simple thought

A plan of action

A Desire to be

A will to want…

Within my journey and I am speaking for Dawn I have lived a full life and a restricted on as well…which prompted me to excel in many things!  My willingness to not disappoint anyone had me living a life for others.  My emotions were controlled due to what I would perceive there response would be to my action, comment or gesture.   I did not want them to feel any kind of pain from my words.  That was my protector side the guardian in me.  Is that a way to live… for me I will say maybe for the people that was receiving my kindness as that protective cloak that shadowed them.   Did they ever once think of giving me energy back to replenish what I have given to them?  I would think that they would but not even a thought.  I convinced myself that I was ok.  But there comes a time when the curtain is raised and you are standing in front of that audience wanting to scream out loud I have no more to give.  You have thought about this for some time now and you have prepared your speech and ready to present it to the world. It is you time...are YOU ready to create the YOU that you have always wanted to be.  That miraculous YOU that is looming inside of your existence waiting for that moment to appear!  It’s time to give YOU permission to be YOU… and not just be a part of YOU or a segment of…

In order for you to feel Happiness, Positivity…and all the good things in life you must incorporate it and embed it into your being through words, actions, gestures to encompass your entire body. 

You cannot have dark thoughts and try to walk in the light.  You cannot think in the past if you want to have the steps of life shine before you.  You cannot have a wicked tongue and expect kindness to come from within. 

Each and everything that we

See

Feel

Touch

Speak

Hear

Will be a reflection of how we perceive life...What we take in is what you give out.

It is a cycle of your many seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years to bring you to the crescendo of YOU!

So I ask again is Happiness Elusive in your life?

Is there a way to correct that voided feeling inside

You make the decision

You make the choice

You find the way

A way

To live a joyous life that gives you an abundance of Happiness! 

Do not let Happiness be elusive to your being for that feeling is something that we must always gravitate to….

To have complete life of wholeness make Happiness a part of your life and you will see a phenomenal change in your existence

So the next time you see someone that you perceive to be happy don’t look at them and say “yeah right” in regards to their happiness…try to soak some of that happiness in and ride on the wave of their good feeling vibration to transcend you to massive heights!

Don’t Let It Elude YOU ~ Let It Consume YOU

As always these are my personal words that come to me from above to share, engage and embrace.  Hopefully, these words you may find appealing to your life and pass it on ;-)

Embracing The New Year

As in all things…as the cycle completes itself into a full circle so does our lives revolve.  As the New Year begins to take shape do we continue to reflect on the past of last year or are you looking to move forward to a New You!  I haven’t had time to reflect on what had taken place in the past because I really don’t want that to creep into my present.  As humans we are creatures of habit as they say but for me I am really interested and ready to start ANEW!!!  I mean truly why I would want to repeat what I’ve already completed in my cycle.  So my mind is fresh and new it is ready to take on new things even though I am in the same place and time…otherwise known as “Where I Am Supposed To Be” (WIASTB).   LOL I know I am right where I am supposed to be in this phase of Dawn’s life.  So there is so much excitement inside of me as I like to refer to this as “The little girl version of Dawn” with a twinkle in my eyes and a smile as big as a mile I am anticipating the good to come streaming in.  I clearly have a knowing of self and I know that this is going to be an AWESOME year for me no matter what!!!  Well, maybe you may be saying yeah, yeah, yeah Dawn I hear you!  I am telling you that there are segments in my life that will drastically change and there could be some that may not.  But…My philosophy in life is that no matter how much I may think that I know there is always something new for me to learn and experience.  How many times have you heard that “Knowledge is Power” I am sure it has been thousands of times in life.  Some may only believe that the knowledge that is being referred to only relates to the higher institutions as in the educational realm of your life.  Well, let me tell you that you can attain knowledge from your own personal journey of life.  I always loved to read and write and with the internet we can reach into so many different directions of knowledge.  The wealth of studies that is available is endless like the sea and unless you dip your brain into that body of water you will never attain it.  Now in no way am I saying that I am a “Miss Know It All” but I do dabble in enhancing my brain every day.  No matter what, I make sure that I exercise it in some way.  Would you like to know how this helps me?  Well, I have a certain way of expanding the mind and this is one exercise which is so simple and easy.  I have signed up to receive email from ~ Dictionary.com which I am officially a “Word of the Day Subscriber” YAY!!!  As a writer it gives me a sense of learning, pronouncing, defining and honing my skills ala expanding my mind.    This is just one small step to my expansion for the New Year!  A very dear mystic told me that I needed to keep a “Journal of Feeling” (Hugs ~ Peri)!  This journal helps me with checking on myself you know as in being down, stressed, negative etc., as it is to keep me on point towards My Happiness and Positivity!  And believe you me I am all for preserving DAWN’S HAPPINESS!!!  The world would not be the same with an unhappy Dawn in it.  I am telling you from experience as in the truth not a probability or possibility!  I also have this little thing called WIWRN, Rituals, Meditations…just overall “Feeding my Soul” with knowledge, positivity and love!   Yes, this world (or is it the people within) can be trying at times but I have to stay on point!  I have to be real to myself in order to see 2013 in a new light.  Hell I am not interested in seeing 2013 with the same eyes that I saw 2012…can we say forward progression, making moves and making it happen ala Nike “Just Do It”!!!  I tend to know that I have made strides in my life and mistakes or faux pas that I am not looking to redo ever…I know never say never (sounds like a James Bond movie)!  But, if you believe in yourself and your fighting spirit you will not redo it consciously anyway.   You will continue to move forward and not look back.  As I am sitting here and typing this I am just thinking of a few things of 2012 that affected my world!  But, if I had known would I have done it differently?  Then again Dawn that would mean that you would have had a Crystal Ball!  And that Crystal Ball would have shown me being the most Awesome Writer, TV/Radio personality (OWN Network) and I don’t mean my own show lol you know what I am talking about Oprah Winfrey Network!  She doesn’t know me yet but I am feeling like the network needs a little Dawnology in their lives.  Am I saying that I am an expert (gosh no) I would never claim to be an expert but, remember I said that I dabble in a few things (smile)! 

So as I welcome in the New Year I welcome in all the LIGHT, POSITIVITY, LOVE, FUN, HAPPINESS, JOY and so on and so on.   OH GOSH…I almost forgot my New Year began with an invite from a new social networking site GLIPHO!   What started as a Tweet on Twitter that lead to my blog which issued and invitation and NOW ~ DRUM ROLL PLEASE I am officially on another site:

GLIPHO.COM/WORDSFROMTHESOUL

I was so in awe when this invite was issued. I can write (because I hear the words) all day and I know that I do have a gift…but, if people like you don’t read it then my voice is silently sitting within the void of noir.  You all have embraced me and showed me truly that the words from above are gently placed in my mind, embedded in my soul which flows through my hands to bring it to you as real, as real can get! 

With this phenomenal gift I plan on giving it back to the world in the most awesome and amazing way ever.  

 So watch out world 2013 is going to be the best YEAR ever!!!

Eyes Wide Shut

In a society where things are pushed under the rug and the masses turns a blinds eye to a constant struggle in society.  Each and every one of us has had an “Eyes Wide Shut” moment in our lives whether it was personal, work related or tribe oriented.  There are times that we don’t want to get involved but knowingly apparent that the actions or reactions are not right!  I guess that I can say within my life the tribe that I belonged to have the syndrome not just on strangers but within.  My experience with this was a life changing or should I say life altering aspect of who I was and what I have become in my life.  In accordance of the law of love thy neighbor where does the love go?  Where did it come to pass that it is every man, woman and child that are for themselves!  I thought as a society that we as a people have a sense of humanity a sense of what I have is mine and I am not willing to share. There are too many times that we strive to be the very best that we perceive ourselves to be slowly separating ourselves from the very foundation that we derived from. This is the time of year where there is no difference in the day, time, month or situation that we tend to give ourselves a reality check to help our fellow man, woman and child.  Why is it that hearts are opened up and giving becomes the new way to be for the month of December?  When you look at it, it seems to be a little hypocritical in a way as the helping and acknowledging our fellow man, woman and child should be in the forefront of our hearts and minds everyday of our lives.  But why is it that this one month out of the year that we want to acknowledge this as the title seems to be so unfitting as in the “less fortunate”.  What is or why would we tag that set of words to a situation or a being…it seems so very shallow and demeaning.  Instead of putting a title to it why not go into action and make a change in their lives. Why not give them hope and encouragement throughout the year and not give an out pouring of love and understanding one month and then disappear for the remaining 11 months that precedes after that.   How do we let them know that we are here for them throughout the year…?

I happened to fall into a scenario via a question that was asked in relation to collecting toys for children’s as some will refer to as Toys for Tots.  As this gesture and program has been around in my world but in this region where I am it is non-existent.  Holidays of this magnitude that is celebrated in the states are not here.  So, an idea, suggestion a wanting turned into a heavenly phone call that was placed to a work associate that lead me to a religious sect.  After numerous calls Pastor Allen answered the call and the miracle began to take form as he said his prayers were answered and that I was “The Angel” with the message (such a wonderful way to say it)!  The conversation went from Toys to unimaginable events that women are dealing with while making a living to make a better way for their families from a distance.  In their Pursuit of Happiness that was promised to them they took a journey to another land for employment to only find suppression and neglect.  Your new job in which was sprinkled with promise and advancement to provide a better life for your family back home you now find inequality and inability.  From being in charge of your own existence to now being a part of a family where you are non-existent.   You are expected to work around the clock 24 hours 7 day a week 365 days a year.  You are expected to be a mother, wife, grandmother, nanny, servant and so much more.  Just think about this in the biggest way that you can in a world where all of those functions are performed by an individual as you are expected to take on all of those identities.  So with those titles comes cooking, cleaning, babysitting etc., and we haven’t even touched the expectations from what the wife and the husband of the family expects of you as well!  At that point you have to be imagining what have I gotten myself into but then again I can do this because I am taking care of my family to give them a better life…So you continue to work and try to be the very best that you can but all you get is negativity, maybe get hit which becomes repetitive and to a state of being abused.  How could you have ever dreamed of being in that state of being when you were a child?  When you were asked “what do you want to be when you grow up” did this scenario ever cross your mind.

For myself I can say no but for the many that I laid my eyes on at the Embassy I am sure that they would also like to say no.  But in reality they cannot because they were living that life expressed above but escaped to gain asylum to a place of peace where they exist with only the clothes on their backs, shame in their hearts, troubled minds and feeling as if they are alone (and that is in a crowded room).  How could I ever even imagined that I would experience this opportunity to see, feel and touch them who are just like me as in a human being.  The ages ranged from young to old and there only connection was that they were the same nationality.  Each one has a story to tell…A story that they will not willingly want to share because the shame is just too much to consume within their souls.  How do you reach deep down into your existence and gain back your soul.  How do you reach out for help when you feel there is none?  How do you unsilence your voice when no one can hear you speak?  How do you learn to live again…?

The very small gesture that I was able to participate in was in the form of necessities in a physical sense blankets, toiletries, and clothes and shoes that I had and wanted to give and a holiday cake.  How did I know that I would be able to touch about 180 women that I would see 360 eyes and ears that would look and hear for motivation and inspiration?  It was at that time that a smile, kind word, a hug would mean so very much for them. 

Because within the sand there are the forgotten ones that got away.  The ones that dug so deep to know that although this was not what I asked for or wanted they knew that there was so much more.  So much more for them that don’t end here where they are today.  For the 180 woman that I gazed my eyes upon I wondered what I could give them to soothe their souls…to ease their minds.  How could I let them know that I understand and that I am here even though I have not experienced what they did but I have felt in my lifetime ~

Pain

Disrespect

Verbal abuse

Looked Down Upon

Not being good enough

Not given words to inspire

Or feeling like you have no hope….

|    |

 As my mind raced and an epic movie played in my head of the negativity that I have felt.  I had to be strong in spirit but gentle in my appearance and words.  No matter who you are or what you have endured you can get over it but you always remember it.  You don’t have to carry it as a badge of honor or say it to the masses but it is a part of the journey you took to get you where you are today.

So my answer, my test, my path, my journey via the higher power was to embrace the moment, the place, the vibe, the essence of that space of time.

I began to feel an inner glow and a sense of a specialness that was sent from the most high.  The whisper in my ear was “You were chosen, you are an angel, you are blessed – Be Dawn”! 

For this holiday season please give of yourself in an unselfish way.  When you think of buying gifts think of a gift that you can give to someone who would not expect it a simple gesture of kindness~ buying a coffee for someone at your local store without them even knowing it.  How about reaching out to elderly families in your community with cookies, candy and conversation maybe you will learn something to add to your recipe of life.  It is not just about people who are in need because to be honest we all need something to continue to evolve in life.  We all are lacking in some way…Yes, we are not perfect!  But what we do have or should have is compassion for one another.  If we continue to be selfish with our money, time, experiences and lessons learned…how we can transcend our being to the next level. 

It is not about who has the most or who doesn’t!  It is about giving not just for the month of December it is every day of your life.  There are tons of things that are free a smile, handshake, kind words, gratitude, and thankfulness for example.  I am sure that you can add on the list.

This experience has taught me a lot  as in strength, persistence and endurance as human beings. But in that message I also received this message below for myself to embrace:

DAWN ~ You have always toned yourself Dawn to appease to the masses to not be talked about or looked down upon.  You didn’t want to stand out or be noticed ever.  But guess what that is part of your gift!  You shine like no other even when you don’t want too.  It is from the inside out like a beacon from above.  You have your permission to shine Dawn…YOU HAVE YOUR PERMISSION TO SHINE!!! (Thanks Elisabeth Grace you are awesome) ~ Hey Peri miss ya xoxo!