Eyes Wide Shut

In a society where things are pushed under the rug and the masses turns a blinds eye to a constant struggle in society.  Each and every one of us has had an “Eyes Wide Shut” moment in our lives whether it was personal, work related or tribe oriented.  There are times that we don’t want to get involved but knowingly apparent that the actions or reactions are not right!  I guess that I can say within my life the tribe that I belonged to have the syndrome not just on strangers but within.  My experience with this was a life changing or should I say life altering aspect of who I was and what I have become in my life.  In accordance of the law of love thy neighbor where does the love go?  Where did it come to pass that it is every man, woman and child that are for themselves!  I thought as a society that we as a people have a sense of humanity a sense of what I have is mine and I am not willing to share. There are too many times that we strive to be the very best that we perceive ourselves to be slowly separating ourselves from the very foundation that we derived from. This is the time of year where there is no difference in the day, time, month or situation that we tend to give ourselves a reality check to help our fellow man, woman and child.  Why is it that hearts are opened up and giving becomes the new way to be for the month of December?  When you look at it, it seems to be a little hypocritical in a way as the helping and acknowledging our fellow man, woman and child should be in the forefront of our hearts and minds everyday of our lives.  But why is it that this one month out of the year that we want to acknowledge this as the title seems to be so unfitting as in the “less fortunate”.  What is or why would we tag that set of words to a situation or a being…it seems so very shallow and demeaning.  Instead of putting a title to it why not go into action and make a change in their lives. Why not give them hope and encouragement throughout the year and not give an out pouring of love and understanding one month and then disappear for the remaining 11 months that precedes after that.   How do we let them know that we are here for them throughout the year…?

I happened to fall into a scenario via a question that was asked in relation to collecting toys for children’s as some will refer to as Toys for Tots.  As this gesture and program has been around in my world but in this region where I am it is non-existent.  Holidays of this magnitude that is celebrated in the states are not here.  So, an idea, suggestion a wanting turned into a heavenly phone call that was placed to a work associate that lead me to a religious sect.  After numerous calls Pastor Allen answered the call and the miracle began to take form as he said his prayers were answered and that I was “The Angel” with the message (such a wonderful way to say it)!  The conversation went from Toys to unimaginable events that women are dealing with while making a living to make a better way for their families from a distance.  In their Pursuit of Happiness that was promised to them they took a journey to another land for employment to only find suppression and neglect.  Your new job in which was sprinkled with promise and advancement to provide a better life for your family back home you now find inequality and inability.  From being in charge of your own existence to now being a part of a family where you are non-existent.   You are expected to work around the clock 24 hours 7 day a week 365 days a year.  You are expected to be a mother, wife, grandmother, nanny, servant and so much more.  Just think about this in the biggest way that you can in a world where all of those functions are performed by an individual as you are expected to take on all of those identities.  So with those titles comes cooking, cleaning, babysitting etc., and we haven’t even touched the expectations from what the wife and the husband of the family expects of you as well!  At that point you have to be imagining what have I gotten myself into but then again I can do this because I am taking care of my family to give them a better life…So you continue to work and try to be the very best that you can but all you get is negativity, maybe get hit which becomes repetitive and to a state of being abused.  How could you have ever dreamed of being in that state of being when you were a child?  When you were asked “what do you want to be when you grow up” did this scenario ever cross your mind.

For myself I can say no but for the many that I laid my eyes on at the Embassy I am sure that they would also like to say no.  But in reality they cannot because they were living that life expressed above but escaped to gain asylum to a place of peace where they exist with only the clothes on their backs, shame in their hearts, troubled minds and feeling as if they are alone (and that is in a crowded room).  How could I ever even imagined that I would experience this opportunity to see, feel and touch them who are just like me as in a human being.  The ages ranged from young to old and there only connection was that they were the same nationality.  Each one has a story to tell…A story that they will not willingly want to share because the shame is just too much to consume within their souls.  How do you reach deep down into your existence and gain back your soul.  How do you reach out for help when you feel there is none?  How do you unsilence your voice when no one can hear you speak?  How do you learn to live again…?

The very small gesture that I was able to participate in was in the form of necessities in a physical sense blankets, toiletries, and clothes and shoes that I had and wanted to give and a holiday cake.  How did I know that I would be able to touch about 180 women that I would see 360 eyes and ears that would look and hear for motivation and inspiration?  It was at that time that a smile, kind word, a hug would mean so very much for them. 

Because within the sand there are the forgotten ones that got away.  The ones that dug so deep to know that although this was not what I asked for or wanted they knew that there was so much more.  So much more for them that don’t end here where they are today.  For the 180 woman that I gazed my eyes upon I wondered what I could give them to soothe their souls…to ease their minds.  How could I let them know that I understand and that I am here even though I have not experienced what they did but I have felt in my lifetime ~

Pain

Disrespect

Verbal abuse

Looked Down Upon

Not being good enough

Not given words to inspire

Or feeling like you have no hope….

|    |

 As my mind raced and an epic movie played in my head of the negativity that I have felt.  I had to be strong in spirit but gentle in my appearance and words.  No matter who you are or what you have endured you can get over it but you always remember it.  You don’t have to carry it as a badge of honor or say it to the masses but it is a part of the journey you took to get you where you are today.

So my answer, my test, my path, my journey via the higher power was to embrace the moment, the place, the vibe, the essence of that space of time.

I began to feel an inner glow and a sense of a specialness that was sent from the most high.  The whisper in my ear was “You were chosen, you are an angel, you are blessed – Be Dawn”! 

For this holiday season please give of yourself in an unselfish way.  When you think of buying gifts think of a gift that you can give to someone who would not expect it a simple gesture of kindness~ buying a coffee for someone at your local store without them even knowing it.  How about reaching out to elderly families in your community with cookies, candy and conversation maybe you will learn something to add to your recipe of life.  It is not just about people who are in need because to be honest we all need something to continue to evolve in life.  We all are lacking in some way…Yes, we are not perfect!  But what we do have or should have is compassion for one another.  If we continue to be selfish with our money, time, experiences and lessons learned…how we can transcend our being to the next level. 

It is not about who has the most or who doesn’t!  It is about giving not just for the month of December it is every day of your life.  There are tons of things that are free a smile, handshake, kind words, gratitude, and thankfulness for example.  I am sure that you can add on the list.

This experience has taught me a lot  as in strength, persistence and endurance as human beings. But in that message I also received this message below for myself to embrace:

DAWN ~ You have always toned yourself Dawn to appease to the masses to not be talked about or looked down upon.  You didn’t want to stand out or be noticed ever.  But guess what that is part of your gift!  You shine like no other even when you don’t want too.  It is from the inside out like a beacon from above.  You have your permission to shine Dawn…YOU HAVE YOUR PERMISSION TO SHINE!!! (Thanks Elisabeth Grace you are awesome) ~ Hey Peri miss ya xoxo!

The Legacy of A Legend Within Me

What an amazing group of words that popped into my mind..…hmm “The Legacy of A Legend Within Me”!  As I was walking I had to stop and take out my handy dandy little pen and the paper receipt of some items that I purchased to write it down on.  Now, yes I have a massive brain and I am not that old (hahaha) that I can’t remember but it was the power of the words that came to me that let me know that it is very important to me and to the world. 

When we think of the word legacy what or who do you think of?  Of course you know the drill (fill in the blank)?  Well good ol Encarta says –something from the past.  “Something that is handed down or remains from a previous generation or time”.   Hmmm what a prolific way to think of this on those terms!  To be honest I never really thought of it in that vain.  But why today? Why now?  I know that the words legacy or legend always seemed to be connected to someone or something of significant stature you know like  Martin Luther King, JFK, Muhammad Ali, Gandhi and Mother Theresa to name a few. They were legends to who created a legacy which is so phenomenal! I never really heard it attached to an everyday person like me.  So is this for me to recognize my talents that will put me in the Legacy or Legend category or both as I would surely accept that honor and hold it high on a pedestal.   Should I begin to make my acceptance speech to note everyone and everything that has helped me to get to Legacy or Legend status or is it something that I need to ride out alone in silence?

Often I tend to walk around and observe people in their element and I say there element because they look at me as if I am a stranger.   What makes me a stranger is basically I wasn’t born here.  But as in all things we have the ability to read, learn and gather information.  And next thing you know WHAM I am learning the language, eating the foods, and embracing that part of the world.  Ideally that is correct I wasn’t born here but I am here right where I am supposed to be at this time in my life. Now that I got that out of the way let’s get back to My Legacy…My Legend!!!

From my inception, (Day 1) my first breath towards the Legacy via the Legend began.  Again, we look to citizens of the world that we feel that has done something outstanding (held at high esteem) and we give them the titles and the labels.  But what about me…what about me and my journey, my steps!  All of that makes me who I am and it is a part of me in so many ways.  It is indoctrinated in my mind and branded in my soul I mean otherwise my existence would be void, the abyss, gosh totally nonexistence.  But I know that is not true as I was given life for a reason.  I Dawn have a reason for being here on this earth.  I have a reason to look the way that I do!  To speak the way that I speak!  To think the way that I think!  And to embrace the world the way that I am!   So with that alone I AM LEGEND!!! (And No I am not talking about the movie with Will Smith) I am talking about creating a Legacy!

When I play back all the scenes of my life that I can remember from the wee little steps that I made to the giant leaps that I am making now.  Isn’t that grounds for being honored in that elite echelon of greatness!   I mean really why would I want to settle?  Why would I want to live a mediocre life or accept within myself that I am not Supreme (Khi - wink)!  To be honest my name should be presented to the masses as Queen Dawn (that has a cool ring to it)!  My home is my Castle and my favorite Chair is my Throne.  Can you imagine having that persona attached to your name!  Just take a few minutes and say it Queen__________ (fill in the blank with your name) or King___________ (fill in the blank with your name)!  I can picture me sitting there wearing the most luxurious fabrics (silks, velvets, chiffons) with the hottest jewelry big vibrant jewels (reds, greens, purples, yellow)!  And OMG let’s not forget the CROWN and I am not talking a small one either mine probably would have two (2) tiers on it in solid gold.  And as regal as they come I would have to walk standing straight up as an arrow to keep that heavy crown on the top of my head.  I can hear Khi saying “don’t worry you have a big head so you should be able to keep in on without any problems” (hahaha)!  And to the world that may be true but guess what it is my Crown on my Big ol Head!  And as far as my imagination is stretched there is a sense of Elegance that comes with wearing a long gown, jewels with a crown and why not add a scepter just in case someone acts up I can hit them over the head with it.   Did you really think they just carried them for show?   So let’s imagine Queen Dawn in her regalia sitting on her throne with an awesome scepter awaiting the world to acknowledge her existence……

In a faraway land amongst my throne I feel my mother’s hand placed on my shoulder (shaking me) to wake me up from the most awesome dream ever??? Faintly I can hear her say Dawn wake up…wake up…you have to get up now.  Man does she not realize that I am running things here in this dream...

I am Queen Dawn

I Rule and Reside over the Country of Dawn

The Town of Dawn

The State of Dawnnnnnnnnn!!!

And so forth…………

In other words I am running things in only the way that Dawn can

HAHAHA (I know I am silly TD but you know that is me ~ smile)

So in my most imaginative state I can truly say that I have experienced so much that my real life is actually catching up with.  Hmmm…or I am running towards it.  I have seen many places and walked many miles upon the sands of time.  I have read many words that have captivated my mind and planted numerous seeds of the future.  I have fertilized the tiny plants into trees of wisdom.  I have climbed the highest mountains and searched for numerous rainbows on this foundation of land that we call home.

All of the metaphors that I have been referring to above indeed are the offspring of my existence.  It is part of my soul that lives within the shell of the body that I occupy as my home...my castle (wink).    My mind can be seen as a universal connection to the higher power.  Within that power is the energy that is sent down from above.  An electrical connection meshing from above and below.  It is the most powerful electrical current ever to transcend from the heavens into my brain which creates an AWESOME visualization aka a Dream! 

My motto for today is DREAM BIG!!!  Why limit yourself to what you can be or accomplish in your lifetime or the many lifetimes that you are to encounter.  By stifling your thoughts you stifle you riches, your glory, your reaching and touching the greatness within.  Never ever think that there is not a reason why you are here.  There is a reason; there is a need of your existence!  There is a gift inside of you that is waiting to be unlocked with the key of life.  The key that was placed inside of you when you arrived on this Planet called Earth.  Each and every person has a purpose whether you believe it or not.  

YOU are IMPORTANT TO THIS WORLD

YOU are IMPORTANT TO THIS PLANET

YOU are IMPORTANT TO THIS UNIVERSE

Upon your birth it was written that you have a purpose a reason for being within this existence.  That you and you alone is the only one that can give this to the masses!   The masses are awaiting your arrival KING________ or QUEEN________!

Rise from your throne, hold your head up high (remember you have on a crown on) raise your scepter and cast your thunderous voice amongst the masses.  (I’m using my name but it can be changed to King/Queen – with your name also)

I Queen Dawn

Proclaim the following

I  Queen Dawn is IMPORTANT TO THIS WORLD

I Queen Dawn is IMPORTANT TO THIS PLANET

I Queen Dawn is IMPORTANT TO THIS UNIVERSE

I Queen Dawn am IMPORTANT TO MANKIND…

I hereby Proclaim today as Queen Dawn’s Day of Awakening!  A day of miracles beyond my imagination! A day of probabilities becoming possibilities. 

A Day of Hope

Encouragement

Acknowledgement

Thankfulness

Gratitude

Love…

I am Thankful

I am Grateful

Acknowledge your existence no matter who you are….

This is your Life

This is your Time

You hold the Key

To your Present

To your Future

To your Destiny which you are the Legend

And this is your LEGACY!!!

Somehow deep down you already know what you want to be or become.  The question is whether you will acknowledge and grab hold onto your internal truth of being (your gift)?  Or do you live in the “I could have been” Mantra of Life.  Success no matter in what form how big or small is the driving force to feeling as if you can stand on top of the world!  Are you ready to take the steps required to be at your very best?  Only time will tell…but as the sands of time continues to shift so does your thoughts, your actions, your flow!  Your cans will turn into the “well I could have traveled the world but…”!  Don’t let that stigma grab hold onto your soul and squeeze your ability to make whatever you want to be or do escape your will.  Think about this… how do you know what you can do if you don’t try?  How can you excel if you don’t put the task before you?   When did the negative become a part of your existence?  When do you decide to let your dreams fade and not pursue?  To be honest you may not have the same questions in your head as I but I assure you they are similar. If at any time you have dreamed of anything that didn’t come to be in your life it is because you dreamed it but you did not put forth action to grasp it to bring it into your world. 

You may be wondering how do I know because the very same words that are being poured into my head by the higher power is meant for me as well and to express to you as I am a mere vessel.  In order for me to become the Artist, The Author, The Legend…The Legacy I must pursue, I must believe, I must acknowledge that YES my GIFT is shining though!!!

It is an excellent, wonderful, phenomenal, exuberant feeling of life!  I am grabbing this part of my life with two (2) hands and not letting go…for I am LEGEND and this is my LEGACY!

What If Your Heaven Was Right Now...

As I was riding back from town to go back on base (sigh) these words danced across my mind ahhh… my little piece of heaven is gone!  The reference of my piece of heaven was the blue skies the sand less air and the water that ran up on the sand upon my arrival as if welcoming me back after a long stay away!  “WELCOME BACK DAWN etched in the sand”.  I attempt to see my heaven every weekend when work doesn't supersede it!  Even if it is just for five minutes that time calms my soul and glorifies my eyes with a natural beauty of spectacular reverence of bliss. The visual and scent of the water is the most captivating as it is so blue…so fresh and so very real!  As I stood there capturing these images in my mind.  It allows it to take me back to that very moment of that space and time…but as the second passes it is considered as history...in the past!

My tranquil time is what I make it to be and it does not have to be in a meditative state although I do.  But it is when you are with one...with oneself with no worries concerns doubts.  No thoughts no chatter no being other than you in your most natural state ever!  What I would like to reference would be when a baby is in its mother’s womb.  Imagine that sense of stillness of quiet of peace.  You know that they are there living, breathing and existing but if I had to think of it in a form of visualization that is what I would think it would be!  It is when you are at you most vulnerable state of life’s of existence...gosh as I am writing it gives me chills because I am wondering why is my mind thinking of this as my hands types? There is absolutely no thought about the next words as they are formulated from above.   So, am I in a trance state or am I fully aware of the talent that I posses?  One thing for sure is that there is no wrong or right way there is only a way from above that invades my mind and guides me along the path of life...a sense of being alive!

So we know of the reference of Heaven and Hell!  What we know of it is either what we were told or what we read!  We create a vision and interpret what each seems to be to us on a whole!  For me everything goes back to my childhood where I began my origin of being my existence of Dawn otherwise known as the sunrise.  So, I recall that the most simplistic description of the two (keep in mind I was probably around 5 or 6) was Heaven - the nicest place you would ever want to go and be with God (sounds kind of fun to me)!  And then there is Hell well aside from it being a curse word (LOL) was hot with fire and the Devil lived there (you mean the dude that was all red with horns) not exactly the guy that you want to take home to meet the tribe members!  Oh yeah and let’s not forget that they don't give you water to drink!

So each time I would think that I surely wanted to go to Heaven because to me that was coolest place to be!  The elders of the tribe would say good girls and boys go to Heaven and the bad ones go to Hell!

Ok so I am no dummy I knew the route that I wanted to go.  That’s right I chose Heaven (in my mind) I had to be good and obey because if not you would surely wind up in the depths of the dark place without water or even light. That's right it is very dark there as the illumination is only from the fire that burns captivating the billowing shadows that danced around in the night.  But, what I didn’t know was by me choosing that unknown route was a setup because to be good you had to be perfect which means that you really didn't experience alot of things except for education, and being on your P"s and Q"s  whatever that meant!  Is there even a description of what that means…does anybody know?   Well all I know it was challenging!  There really wasn’t a lot of exploring or experimenting at all I had to be good in every way (or so I thought).  Somehow the tribe members failed to give me the real deal otherwise known as the scoop or what I would say the TRUTH!!!   I mean come on people…really that is important or is it…hmm!  Well they forgot to tell me.   Until one day the light bulb was turned on aka (I figured it out on my own).   After extensive research and going through the bible (Thanks to good ol Sunday School) it was that our higher power is forgiving and all you had to do was say the word and you are forgiven!  Man that is too easy I mean it is not a straight as an arrow path but it could bend a little!   I think that is when you begin to experience the life without having anything holding you back because somehow some way you are forgiven!  But today I had a flashback of images of my earlier childhood.  Gosh I was so perfect by immersing myself into learning and excelling so much to be on top.  To be recognized for my mind and what it was capable of doing.  To me that is such a heavy burden to carry but I didn't know that back then!  I grew up fast and protected those that I felt needed to be protected.  And to be honest I couldn’t fight any way I was way to skinny.   But I did partake in debating so I had that extra thing called verbal karate (or what the elders like to say-talking to much) going on!

So I digress and ask what if “mine/your/our” conceptual sense of being in Heaven was right now???

What if our life that we are living is Heaven...hmmm (interesting thought)

How would you change your Now
How would you Live
How would you Speak
How would you Visualize
Interact with People
Give Blessing
Be Grateful
Be Thankful

If you knew that this was Heaven and that the next journey didn't have a name but all you knew that it was way more then you could ever image to the 10th power...How would you live?  To me that is the most amazing and astounding thought ever!

Would you make any changes as who you are as a person?  Would you say (fill in your name) I am going to be the most phenomenal human being ever?  No more doubts, pain, fear, abuse, negativity, judging, stereotyping, prejudging, criticizing, perceptions, anger, neglect, malice, strife...I think you see where I am going with these words!

I want you to read them over and over again and see the darkness that comes with each one how could 4 letters in the word FEAR feel so heavy, dark and chilling?   I don't know but what I do know is how it makes me feel like right now!

My challenge to myself and to you is to live and create your space and your being as if this is your Heaven…Right Now!  Worship and praise your existence!  Glorify the sense of your life and what living is all about!  Spread the word of peace, harmony and love of your fellow beings!  Help another along the way to make the next person stronger!  Words of encouragement go a long way!   I mean I will admit some people you will not be able to please or give them an understanding that being grateful of what you have and where you are in life is so humbling and praise worthy.   You must be happy and grateful within yourself in order for your being to show it outside.  You cannot let another’s misery sit right by you for you to absorb the energy!  I do know that I can change myself but I cannot make another change…so let them be they already decided to create and live in there sphere of hell!  No need to convince because they chose their path!

I know that when I right the word HEAVEN I begin to smile and think such pleasant and airy thought!  When I think of or write the word HELL man immediately my mind says I don't want any parts of that at all LOL!

I read and listen to a lot of material which has helped me with my gifts some of it is way out there and some is common sense!  But one thing for sure I played back the movie of my life from beginning to now!  At one time in my younger years I may not have had all of the cool things that the so call rich kids had but I had a sense of knowing who I was and a desire to learn and grow into a really cool chick named Dawn!  So who names there kid Dawn?  Well to be honest my name was by default my mom forgot my name (umm can you say Heather) so this is what I got that I had to work with!  I had to let go of the past!  I didn't say FORGET as in be ashamed or not play it back I said let go, detach, put it down as I don't need to carry that luggage to exist anymore!  It has made me a better being (smile) and it makes me see how strong I am (wink)!  It was lessons to be learned and not to be repeated as you are wasting time on your journey!  So if I was living my HEAVEN right now I wouldn't change a thing!  Because my past was my baby steps towards the life that I am living in my present!  It nourished me to cherish and create my HEAVEN that I am living right now at this very moment!  And if this is my Heaven then boy you better watch out because I am excited to see what’s next. 

Gosh this feels really good and so much fun to write! I hope you like this one because it came from Above via Me (YAY!!!) How Cool Is That (HCIT)!

Ritual 155

As I began to write my daily Ritual I am sure that I have shared this with you before!  But for the last 155 days I have recorded words that I hear and those thoughts that swim around in my head.  It is so very hard for me not to listen to the words but I figured that these messages are only for me…but then I am thinking hmmm…how I can be so selfish!  How would I know actually that they are just for me?  So that is why at this very moment right now I am typing this.  If you can visualize my nerdy picture that I have on this blog and me sitting up straight as an arrow typing away that is exactly what I want you to see!  Because that is Dawn the very sole part of me that express and records the Rituals each and every day.  Gosh I have grown so much from Day1 until now.  But today at 155 a cord was struck deep within!  An epiphany of Dawn, the rising of the sun as in early morning (gosh the sun is so bright you may want to put on some shades)!

You have been fully introduced and made aware of my sunrise and sunset as in meditation in the morning and evening.  That is how I rise and how I rest.  This part of my existence has given me a connection that is intensely deep and I cannot fathom not partaking in this each and every day of my life, my journey…the path before me!

For some reason today I have felt an enormous feeling of gratitude and thankfulness that has surpassed any feelings that I have ever felt.   I actually had to sit and quite my mind to figure out just exactly what was going on.  Now everyone has beliefs or non beliefs in accordance to religions, private practices that have been embedded in us from inception.  As a child we get our knowledge and knowing from our parents because that is what they know and that is what they will provide to us as they received it from their parents and so on down the line.   I tried to just gather in my head where all of this happiness and the light that I was feeling was coming from.  I guess that I can describe it as feeling the warm rays of the sun beaming on my body giving me an orange, glow or hue a glistening if you will.  And for clarity NO I am not having nor had a hot flash either hahahahaha!!!

Then it finally hit me this is not a unique feeling…unusual perhaps (gosh has it been that long) as I can’t remember the last time that I felt like this.  All I know is that this is the greatest feeling ever (smile) and I would like to feel like this every day!  As I was guided on my very own personal cloud into my office/tent I knew that there was a meaning to this all.  And oh boy you know what that means …words in my head, transcribing onto paper via pen (Ritual 155) which leads to typing it out to bring it to you to read, ponder, embrace or just say “oh well another blog from Dawn” LOL!

Believe me I don’t take it personal but this is my form of expression that has allowed me to express and build up courage for my book or should I say books that I have already written.

So getting back to that feeling…GRATITUDE, THANKFUL FOR…

Call me weird but I finally figured it out I am protected by my spirit guides with the presence of angels and the universal power YAY!  I got it I am aware and that is the knowing which gives me the feeling of Gratitude!

Aware+Knowing+Feeling=Gratitude

I have been made aware of a power that is greater than I!  It is not something that I can see but I can feel and acknowledge in my very own way.  So I am figuring everything that I have read, heard or soaked in as a sponge has slowly been at the surface waiting for me to have that moment.  To have that “AHH Moment” as Oprah would say!  It is the moment when everything comes to be united as one (the light comes on) or when it clicks.  As I sat at my desk and began to write the words…this is what flowed from the heavens above through my being to you!

I am so in awe of the greatness of the patience and kindness that you give me. Today is a day that I honor you all.  I am honoring you today and it brings a smile on my face and happiness in my heart that gives me a glow.  I love you so much because at a time when you were destitute I stood by you. When you felt you didn’t have a voice I was your words. When you couldn’t see I was your vision, your legs to walk and your heart to feel! 

With all of these components of life that has brought me here today of love of myself that I never even knew existed.  Within that form of knowing and the overwhelming feeling of warmth…

Who I am

What I am

Who I was

What I have become in the present

The journey that I am on now

And the future that awaits me…

I am guessing that no matter how many descriptive words that I can use or pictures that I can post each experience is unique! You will surely know the presence which will take you to your “AHH Moment” in Life!  There is not a specific age, venue or anything special.  It is a calling!  A change within you!  You know that what you were doing wasn’t working at an optimum level!  But when do you decided to make a change, adjust or shift?  Do you continue to do the same as in the past?  Life can be tricky at times and we all live it so differently in accordance to our rules or the rules from generation to generation.  Nothing is supposed to stay the same as we are to evolve our mind, body, soul and thoughts right?  I can only speak for myself that from the time of inception I was able to realize that I was learning each and every day.  I was pushing myself to fit the molds (cookie cutter) that were presented to me visually when in fact I was defeated from that moment of thought.  Because I can NEVER be anyone but ME, ME, ME, ME…aka Dawn!!!

So for the very last time if you see me smiling for just as you may think no reason at all and you ask me “Hey Dawn why are you smiling”?  Well I could be a smart mouth Dawn and say “why do you need to know” (with a glare of a stare)?  OR I could be the new and improved Dawn and say “Well thank you for asking…I am smiling because I am in a great place in life and I am so forever grateful for my presence in it” WOW that feels really phenomenal to say!!! Now that’s not an “AHH Moment” but that is totally a “DAWN MOMENT” (ok I just made that up TD kind of cool right)…How’s that for originality (wink)! 

I’m just saying you all may want to try it sometime!  Just think in your head right now and saying I feel great I am having a (fill in the blank with your name) MOMENT!! Admit it doesn’t that feel WONDERFUL!!! I can see you smiling all the way over here! 

So the disclaimer is that if you yell this at the top of your lungs people may think you are crazy and try to lock you up in the mental institution (just kidding hmmm…then again I’m not 100% sure)?  But if you can get away with this go for it!  OR you can just say it silently in your mind several times during the day!   Can you imagine the goodness that you will feel!  Man I’m so excited!  How about you?

It’s worth a try right???

The Demise Of A Beautiful Black Swan

As the Black Swan swam into this realm…within reality holding enthusiasm and dreams in her heart somehow a decision was made to change the course of the existence or was it…

The most beautiful swan ever to arrive upon this earth was given life on 0914.   Its vision was breath taking as so the story was told.  I have the coolest recollections of my mom who guided and protected me in this world.  Even though she was the mother figure to me I also had the combination of a lasting friendship. I was so blessed to have her be a part of my world and I continue to carry her spirit with me each and every day.  As a young child I was so happy just to run around and be a kid which she encouraged.  Not necessarily wearing dresses (lol) but that was part of the girl syndrome.  It’s surely hard running around with one of those things on.  Don’t get me wrong I am not opposed to them now but back then “omg” that stood in the way of my football, baseball and other things that girls as I was told just didn’t do.   Early on I started to see that things were different between certain tribe members and my mom.  Certain things were said that they thought I didn’t understand (surely they forgot I was a smart little cookie)!   When she would walk out of the room the conversations would change to what they really wanted to express but didn’t have the gumption to say it to her face (RG & NG you know what I mean LOL).   What they failed to realize was that I (the protector) was there and very advanced in my understanding and formulation of words. I had a really, really, (and I do mean) really good memory I noticed when she would arrive back the conversation would change and they would be back to talking about old times and laughing.  As I sat there and analyzed each and every one of them I began to see the real side of some of them as I will refer to as “The Dark Side”.   Of course you can imagine seeing me sitting there and the adults talking (my head was going back and forth like I was watching a tennis match).  I am sitting on the couch and my skinny legs were long but not quite enough for my feet to reach the floor.  As the words are forming like clouds hanging in the sky each and every one drifts over and into my head.  I collected each and every cloud and stored it to analyze them in my quite times.  My memory was so sharp and I was able to transcribe it onto paper and reviewed it when I was alone needless to say I never forgot.  What I discovered was that they had created a secret society to the tune of the have and have not’s.  It seemed that within this society it was determined by them who was successful, who wasn’t going to make it, who was the good children, the troublemakers and so on.   It seemed as if they were the ones to create the future of the up and coming, along with the direction and guidance that was needed to get there.  Even though they saw us as less, we knew that we were very fortunate.  We had so much fun and love together and the main thing is that she had our backs no matter what and we had hers. What I decided is that the journey, movie or scenario that they (The Secret Society) wanted to play out was definitely not going to be a part of our world!  No matter how hard she tried to fit in or be like them they had already cast their votes.  I know now how it is so easy to get caught up whether it is family or friends.  We want to belong!  We want to be a part!  We want to be!  When do/did we realize that we must be who we are…not what others want you to be? Society never holds uniqueness or original as beauty.  Do we judge by what the tribe members, society or the media sanctions or deems as what is?  Or should it be what the eyes see? 

Do not let others views or as I call it “Black Swan Syndrome” ostracize the perception of life for you.  This syndrome basically is if you are not like, us, me or we then you are not looked favorably upon.  Your being is cast into the abyss of life to fend for itself amongst the have’s!  That surely cannot be how we are to live as a society is it?

For any of you who may have had the “Black Swan Syndrome” (male/female) know that no one can ever bring you down without you allowing it to happen.  In actuality it doesn’t happen overnight. It is the small steps of depleting your power that eventually leaves you powerless.  You never give your power away to people who don’t respect you or deserve to be connected to you!   We have been such an ungrateful society that we need to get back to the basis in human compassion.  When did it come to pass that we cannot see within ourselves that we all have struggled in some way?  During that episode in life…was it that the person was supposed to endure this alone?  Was there not anyone who noticed what was happening or wanted to intervene?  Was this a form of internal negativity that muddied the waters of the lake that we lived in…but why?  I know that we all are learning on this journey but part of being human is the appreciation of humanity, the love of the world and the gratitude of living within this universe!

I was able to come out of my syndrome the deepest, darkest shadows within!  I am a Beautiful Black Swan and forever will be in my eyes (regal, elegant, timeless, chic and oh so classic) till the end.  Part of the whole process for me was accepting who I am…the beautiful creation that the higher power created as Dawn.  I just recently began not being so hard on myself, critical and analyzing everything for me to be the perfect Dawn for the world!  We all know that is surely unattainable as in perfect.  And to be honest what is considered as perfect?

What matters most is that I am the best Dawn for Dawn and my happiness!  It was for me to realize that I am the queen of my own “internal” castle and for all that know me yes I love the finer things in life (wink)!  For me NOW the finer thing are Spirituality, Health, Knowledge and Happiness (SHKH).  With those attributes (SHKH) the very best life for Dawn is surely waiting for me.  I was not able to give that to my mom due to me trying to live and finding myself as we all think that she would be with us forever.    

I encourage you to not engage or initiate your, thoughts or ways on others if it is not going to uplift them!  I know what it feels like to not be looked at as intelligent, smart, beautiful, etc.  Negative words spoken or written are very powerful and I guess in my life that is why words became such a very big part of me.  Because I knew right away how the tone, placement, emphasis of words, the expressions affected the Black Swan and her underlings…

I wasn’t really sure why the words “The Demise of a Beautiful Black Swan” came to me but once I began to write it became so apparent!  It was to shine the light on something that I was carrying for so long of all that I had seen and heard.  Maybe I didn’t experience a lot of fun things as maybe other children did.  I was being groomed for my biggest journey in life and that is to help others.  That is what I was told very early on and this gift I am using as a form of expression now.  Did I blame myself and protected my brothers from this…”Yes” I did because I am strong and was put in a position to be.  I obeyed my mom to the very end! Did I go through every emotion writing this yes.  Each and every day I feel her presence. It is the love that I felt for her that I could not be selfish enough to say please stay because the journey that I took while looking in her eyes was a long, hard road that got longer with each and every step of the way.  Do I miss you YES but I am happy that you no longer have to deal with the ills of the world.  As you raised 3 human beings (Dawn, Scott & Noel) and we are examples of the hard work and the lights that shine bright in the world.  

Happy Birthday Mommy - Love you dearly RIP!  I am smiling because I know that your spirit is moving around freely experiencing the world on such a greater level! 

The Light Of Life

While writing my daily ritual this came to me.  Now let me explain…my daily ritual is something that I have committed myself to doing and this is how the Dawn rises (I love saying that “Dawn Rises”) lol it is just so powerful to me.  The rising of the Dawn begins with reading silently an affirmation that I absorbed from the day before.  Once it is in my mental bank I then prepare myself for meditation of either 15 or 30 minutes depending upon if my spirit needs a full doses or a quick pick me up.  After that is done it gives me an energy/place of peace for me to center myself in before going out into the world.   I like to think of it as I am putting on my armor to keep me on point no matter what may come my way.  I then write 10 things that I am grateful for.  It doesn’t have to be earth shattering it could be whatever like – I am grateful for being where I am right now, or I am blessed that I enjoyed pizza today.  If you know Dawn then you know that I am a Pizza Connoisseur I LOVE PIZZA!!!  Don’t ask me why I really don’t know I just love a good pizza not Pizza hut, Papa John’s, Dominos…I mean a really amazing thin crust pizza.  Oh gosh my mind is going off track…sorry!

So anything that you are truly grateful for, blessed to have or be...simply things that make you HAPPY!!! 

After that I have a free style writing session in which I have learned in one of my awakening classes called “What I Want Right Now” or WIWRN – this is a listing of exactly what it says!  It is putting down on paper your dreams, what you fantasize about.  What you want to make your life complete!  Now that I am thinking it is kind of like a Christmas list that you would write as a child...This is the list that the parents dreaded because this was that one time that as children they actually took time to figure out what they wanted and the list was always long.  For me I decided that whatever I was going to get I would so I really didn’t waste time on it.  I knew that my mom worked very hard and I didn’t want to give her the extra pressures of me nagging her about something that was on TV or in a magazine or what your friends bragged about getting.  So it is essentially a wish list…a quasi list but for real it evokes so much excitement that I truly expect it all to be fulfilled by that universal energy that surrounds us all.   Have you ever played a game when you were young for me in NJ I would sit on my grandparents porch and me and my brothers would see cars go by and we would see the one that we would get when we got our license and would say “bingo” not sure why but it put the claim on it for us.  We would get our uncle’s car magazine and clip them out and put them in our bedrooms.  I am smiling because I just got the coolest feeling ever as my mind took me back to that.  It was an exciting time for a fun time in life.  Hey we were children we had no worries, no bills, no pressures in life…with the exception of if you were not a good student in school then maybe you had a little bit of worry but for me I had none. I slowly figured that if it worked for cars then why can’t I use this for clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry all of those girl things that we like the nice to haves in life.  But I knew that it didn’t define me or make me who I am!  But it was cool to have the latest outfit going to school!  It made you feel like you were on cloud nine.  I began to cut out of magazines and put them in my little dream book that I created and wrote some notes on it as well.   This was very, very fun for me as it allowed my imagination to have wings to soar, my hopes to embed themselves deep within and never made me feel as if it was impossible to get anything in life.  Apparently, the higher power listened and didn’t act at that time by providing the unlimited source (as in money) but gave me something else an aunt who could sew and a desire that I had to learn.  From all those pictures cut out it gave the energy to give me a means and next thing you know I had a real talent.  If I saw something in a magazine I was able to just get some material and whip up a similar outfit.  I never really thought of it in this sense but right now man that was exactly what happened.  I worked and brought a sewing machine, patterns, material and thread and made it happen. 

Keeping your dreams in your mind’s eye, your visual perception will allow you to draw and attract things to you.  These days’ things have turned into a virtual mind space as in “mind movies” that shows and evokes thought combined with music it truly gives you an excitement and gives you that mental picture to attract it in your life.  I absolutely love a Bentley Coupe I had seen a few in the states at car shows.  But, I am here to tell you that this works and is so true, I put on my desktop and I cut out a picture of one next thing you know I am out and about in Kuwait and I would see one ride by me and (in my mind) “bingo” hey that is my ride (with the biggest smile ever).  I know what it looks like from a distance.  I can spot the emblem a mile away it is sleek, elegant, classy and fast all the components that Dawn likes.  For some reason I keep seeing my car and each time I see it I get this adrenaline rush and an excitement like no other.  OMG (I say to myself) there’s my Bentley coupe.  And it is not like it only happens on the initial sight these feelings happen each and every time I see one.  And the excitement gets bigger and bigger so from all that I read and all that I know is that excitement in combination with the visual all I can say is watch out because you will see Dawn behind the wheel of a Bentley Coupe (ok when it happens the dreaded line – “I told you so” will be shouted from the mountain top).  I can’t honestly say when but I can say that it will happen when it is suppose to happen via the universe!   And believe me this is not wacky this is true, the law and sprinkle in some karma into the mix the car is practically mine already.  I am just waiting on the keys to be delivered to me!

By never giving up on your dreams you create a vault of hopes that at times you open up the doors (and yes they probably will make that creaking sound maybe even some cobwebs) – gosh you may have to tug really hard to open them up as well) and look at them to know that anything is possible.  When was the last time that you sat down and just for fun looked through a magazine or watched the discovery channel, house hunting shows, history channel to see what life can be all about if you just let that into part of your vision.  TV shows normally will be week after week with some type of drama associated to keep you captivated and to comeback.   For me I find more of shows that will get me closer to my dreams I like to learn and incorporate that into the who, what, when, here and how this is going to come to me.  I have to evoke the vibrational feel of gosh once I get______it will make me feel_____ and I will be so grateful upon receiving it.

You may think that this is very hokey…..it is not!  What it will allow you to do is escape the pressures of the world.  Allow your mind to expand and reach deep down inside to the little girl or boy that you once where with DREAMS, HOPES and DESIRES!!!   And let’s get this clear I am not talking about the ones that your parents want or wanted for you (Mom & Dad you are cool and all but I got to be me).  We know that they have our best interest at heart but not their unresolved ones that they never pursued.  I am talking about YOURS!!!!  The very dreams that give you that goose bump feeling! The ones that have you smiling from ear to ear and no one knows why except for you. I get caught a lot and people say why are you smiling so early in the morning…well for one my name is Dawn lol!  It throws them off then I don’t have to explain and then listen to them telling me that it won’t happen.   I don’t want those negative vibes on me. Plus did I mention that these are my dreams!  EXACLTLY they are not designed, created or prepped for you...they are mine! Live, In Living Color and very, very lofty dreams (remember the Bentley Coupe we saw TAD it was gorgeous) that is exactly what I am talking about.   

So I have shared my ritual for my morning and veered off just a teeny tiny bit to let you see that it is great to be an adult but some of my happier times were as a child where I had the twinkle in my eyes and nothing ever seemed impossible.  What I know for sure is that I am slowly getting back to that feeling, the vision the light that once guided me.   Somewhere along the way the light or lantern that we all have as each one of us was given one at birth was not carried in my little hand any longer.  As I got older the lantern that provided the light for me was put down and was forgotten.  I mean really I figured I knew everything how to get there and move forward.  The whole time the lantern was just sitting there and waiting on me to pick it up.  Instead I walked over it, around it!  I actually picked it up and moved it out of the way so that I didn’t kick it when I was walking.  The one thing is that the light never ever went out.    Again, the light was shined on me from day one but it was up to me to pick up the lantern to guide my path.  Life as I like to say gets in the way things happen and the mind wanders to places of the unknown.  Essentially the vision is distorted as you are walking on another path.   FINALLY….I realized that I needed that lantern there was no way I could see the gifts that I had, the words that come to me or the vision that projected through my gorgeous brown eyes (wink)!  So I am now carrying my lantern which shines the light to guide my footsteps on the path of Dawn’s life.  I will never ever put my lantern down again; my light must shine in order for me to give back to the world. 

I encourage you to make sure that you have your light as only good will come of it.  The light is a positive part of life that is with you always!   Just make sure not to put it down for you may be lost and not be able to find your way back to it….

What truly makes me smile is that this came to me for “Dawn” to keep me on point but when the phrase entered my head I am like “I hear you” and my spirit lead me to sit at my laptop and begin typing!  This piece …this journey is for you to take as you will. I hope that it allowed you to laugh to reminisce and to incorporate some or none into your life.  I can’t tell you how to live life because each one of us are different but in humanity we all start off the same….a being arriving into this world via a loving vessel  for us to thrive, grow, explore and learn!!  What a wonderful place to be in within yourself…a place of peace!

Thank you for reading my words and walking with me on this journey as I am excited J

(Oops how could I forget to incorporate the vision board on what you want in life (Google – “Vision Board”) – Thanks A’Keta it brought back the child like enthusiasm that lights the fire within me making me ready for all things that are waiting for me as I take steps forward to my calling!   

The Invisible Force That Surrounds Us All (Energy)

As we watch movies and read books that are associated within the scientifical world there always seems to be the unknown, a presence a force field that separates us from them.  In the movies there is the drama within the music that is associated with the unknown as well.  As we continue to partake in the visual or the story line that was created we are not sure if the forces of the entities are friendly to embrace us or evil to demolish the planet.  Initially, it is always perceived as fearful and dark!  Only in a few movies that I can recall is where the presence turned out to be friendly willing to help human kind.  It always seems like they (and I say they loosely) wanted to destroy our home otherwise known as planet earth.   It is at those times that I sit and marvel over the fact is fiction far from the truth?   I mean the concepts and the ideas had to come from somewhere right???  We all are aware that the mind is a very powerful tool it can be used in so many different ways and we are supposed to be an advance species.  Are we so far advanced that we not know that the presence is something other than ourselves.   How do we know if the forces actually exists is there a good vs. evil.  Is that as clear as night and day?  The sun…the set, ying and yang know as the opposites within the tree of life that we have encountered time and time again.   

If we are the superior beings then what am I to think of the power of the energy that exists outside of the force field of our lives?  Metaphorically speaking it is a subject that has  astounded me as in the dark blanket that canvases the sky at night sprinkled with the brightness of the moon and the little specs of light that are called stars.  If you can use that part of your brain as in imagination…if you can turn that on just for a minute can you imagine how colorful your visions would be?  If you can turn on and tap into the feelings that we are born with from the beginning would things in life be differently?  Would it not be considered as black and white because I want to see it as it is but in the most vibrant colors ever!  I wouldn’t want it any other way!  And to be honest I was able to actually see it as the most vibrant colors ever upon my stint in a NJ hospital.  My vision was removed from my eyes for approx 2 days.  I will say that my senses were heightened kind of like Spiderman when he was bit from the spider lol (yes I admit I have watched the movies).  I would never have believed it but I had a super sense of taste, smell and feeling and now I truly know how blind people are able to get along with will and determination.  It seemed like eternity as I was lying on the bed, and felt as if I was in darkest void ever within my being.  The darkness was the blackest, most dense stillness that consumed my world.  I actually had no clue to what was taking place or to who was in the room.   I was able to use my spidey sense (or maybe I should say my Dawnie sense lol) a combination of hearing and a futuristic type vision within the darkness that I somehow was gifted with to help me through this.  My ability to hear allowed me to see in the most colorful form of vision within the mind.  I recall only having two (2) distinct voices enter my being my son Khi and a very close friend to my son and me Luis.  What I was visualizing was hearing my son’s voice and seeing what looked like blades of tall grass that upon the vibration of his voice would sway to and fro and colors would vary from red to green to blue (of course I know what you may be thinking is she crazy…nope not at all).  These visions were seen as I journeyed through the tunnel of what seemed life.  I literally had no control on my life or the decisions that were to be made.  But, the whole time there was no fear among my soul and that is really what scared me!  Was I to be concerned as to what was happening to me or was I to be as I trusted the presence that was holding my hand?   I do know that my son’s voice calmed the troubled waters as he expressed to me that the tribe was out of control due to not knowing if there was to be life or death.  My son stayed connected to me via his whispers in my ear until the darkness lifted!   My vision was restored and I gained a new sense of the super intelligence that I was able to amass in a difficult time. What I gained was another level of conciseness a new way for my brain to react and respond.  I was thrust in a position of the unknown that was turned into part of the journey that I am now on in my life.  The ability to be able to delve into a bubble of non-existent reality that we can only image is something that I will never ever forget.   Hey don’t get me wrong who wouldn’t want to have superhuman or as we know it “superhero or super heroine” powers.  Would that make our lives easier or more complicated?  Are we willing to have things just handed to us or gain a sense of life and awareness to guide us through the many channels know to some as our purpose?   As many things as I have read and been told is that we come into this being equipped and ready to thrive.  That as long as we walk on the right path and continue to walk in the light we are truly on our way to greatness.  So could it be that upon that very path that I was walking on when the darkness appeared does that mean that my path was not correct or was I being redirected?   Upon the darkness of the night hues of a new sunrise was showing its brilliance!  And within that brilliance is a voice that was very pure and real as my son spoke to me it guided me out of the darkness and into the light.  Upon my transformation the journey that I took within I have no idea as to why, what or how.   I do know that during my recovery I had a very strong presence of power that surrounded me as if it was a shield of armor.  With that armor came a new way of thinking, my mind was sharper and the words that flowed through me were constant.   Without reservation I embraced it and acknowledged that what I am here for is to be a vessel of truth, love and understanding!   As I continue to find my way I know that the words that flow through me are affective and my voice is strong but serene and the Invisible Force around me is so very real!   

Continuing on the path………living life and embracing my dreams towards reality!!!