Perfectly Ever After

To some I had the most perfect life ever, somewhat of a Fairy Tale….

A controlled life from my family (in other words I couldn’t do anything LOL).  A good education (ok public school but I took advantage of it since I knew that was as they say the way out).  With the good education and being popular (which I didn’t campaign for but it was a natural) I was able to go to college.  I really wanted so much to be an archeologist but the road lead me to art with a minor in fashion (that surely shouldn’t be a surprise at all LOL)!  I truly love fabrics, clothes, and the whole entire aspect of fashion!  Yeah I wish I was tall enough to be a model as that would have surely curbed my appetite for my iconic way of life.  I’ve always adored the style and elegance of an era from long ago.   Lena Horn, Jackie O...a simplistic a way of dressing but oh so elegant!  A style that left so much to the imagination of the male species instead of having it all out and tight as hell (don’t think that I am fronting anyone out I am sure you know who you are so don’t be mad at me)...plus it is so uncomfortable!!! But, wait I haven’t even mentioned the shoes, purses and jewelry omg that is another posting in itself.  I love being as they say put together.  I am not fanatic but I like to look a certain way ~ Dawn’s way.  I am not interested in leaving an impression but I do.  I speak the way I do because I have pride in my being.  What’s more important is how I feel and my happiness!  Never an imitator but always an originator (always wanted to say that LOL). 

So getting back to my so call Fairy Tale……

I graduated college and two years later married (very new for me) since my mom never allowed me to date omg!!!  Once that was instilled in my head I stayed on course. For some strange reason I felt that if I disobeyed her that something terrible would happen…….there goes that word again FEAR!!!  Oh well it is what it is!  The tribe was able to attend a very big and lavish wedding (thanks to all that were in the ceremony) and that is when happiness should be surrounding your existence and it did for a while.  Another two years passed and I was given the gift of bringing a child into the world….a son. 

As I continued to live my life, make decisions wherever my path took me. I didn’t feel as a whole person. I always felt like something was missing. I was the perfect wife, excellent mom, very well known and versed in the community.  You know doing the PTO, YMCA holding seats in offices to better myself and give back.  That was all done by me but, again I still felt that with all that I did I should be happy and not feel alone but I did.  I guess that I was putting on the Best Supporting Actress Role in a Life Series...and the Oscar goes to!  And please don’t get me wrong it had nothing to do with my EX or anyone else it was me and what I felt in side.  I was feeling as though there was so much more that I was destined to do, to give to the world! 

As life took me on various different paths I continue to wander as if I was a woman without a country, a gypsy within my soul.   The repetition of life and I had it down to a science I repeated each and every day.  I promised myself that I would never want my son to feel as I did and wanted him to be raised in a free-will lifestyle.  Meaning that I would not want to put my thoughts or my dreams on him.  That I would not encourage him to follow a path or schooling that I thought would be best for him or a dream that I didn’t fulfill.  I wanted him to be an individual, a vital voice in the world from his own thoughts, idealisms, visions and dreams!  I wanted him to be what he was and is destined to be.  What the higher power instilled in him upon his entry into this world.  That is the gift that I wanted him to unwrap when he was ready to face the world.  Every step, every breathe that was taken was to get him to where he is today!  I was only a source not the higher hand that guided him to where he was able to go.  My journeys lead me to the Middle East and I have traveled to many countries while being here.  Did I ever imagine myself here no (or should I say Hell No…but never say never)!  One thing for sure I had a very big imagination and as a very young girl I knew that I would travel.  So I guess that was on the map of my life. 

05102012 the mission that I Dawn Bond accepted to give my son his dream will be completed.  It wasn’t Mission Impossible after all and certainly I am not looking for praise or glory!  I didn’t give up anything at all except to physically be present in my son’s life.  I provided 1000% percent support to the being that I was trusted with to give him a voice in this world.  I also reached a unknown goal of my own that didn’t haunt me as I was focused but most recently have slipped into my conciseness.  I know that I was given life in my birth and my name was chosen as Dawn.  Well finally I feel that I have arrived the Dawning of a new existence! Can you say Operation New Dawn (see TAD I told you that it is still in effect DUDE!!!).   A new journey and dreams to pursue!  A life that once was is now restored.  The higher power knew the steps that I was to take to get me where I am today and that is a loving of myself…more than I have ever known before.  There are a few people that may not know it but your presence and words helped me along the way (KJ, TAD, KP, JU, SC, EG, JS, DA, MM and ED)!  You know who you are by the initials listed!  But more importantly know that you have a lifelong spirit in me ~ With love and gratitude always!

THE ANTICIPATION

As I began this journey in life I had no idea of where it would take me or where I would be.  No doubt I have ALWAYS been a very private person, keeping my feelings close and my being even closer.  I’ve known that I have had this gift as a very young girl and as I have mentioned life got in the way.  I traveled down many roads some that I had control of and others I did not. But at no time did I have fear or regrets.  Nothing that I have experienced have I ever regretted as it brought me to where I am today.  Now, for a second I wondered how in the world I got to the Middle East.  But, at this point in my life it really doesn’t matter because you know what I am here.  This is exactly where I am supposed to be!!!  So, the advantage that I have is that I know this and I am open to the higher power as to what steps I will be guided in. As I write my “Rituals” every day for 30 minutes I am bringing my gift closer into my existence.  My writing will get to be stronger and you will feel it when you read it.  I cannot lie I am scared but not fearful.  I am scared because I know and feel that this is bigger than me.  And for some of you who have had the opportunity to meet me and see me grow you must admit (even I do myself) that there is something unusual about Dawn!  And that is totally in a good way ;-)!  Once I was able to quiet my mind and I was ready and open to what my journey was to be that is when the words began to flow and they continue to each and every day.   Below is as some may call it a “poem”!  But to me I like to refer to it as “Living Words”.  You read it and feel it according to how it will benefit your life.  I tend not to use punctuation as I want you to determine how you want to receive it.  This piece was written on 13 Dec 2010…Enjoy

ANTICIPATION…

The Anticipation of becoming a true being is very close on my path to serenity

It is a true sense of being that is brought before me to join in with a clear vision and open heart

It is the anticipation of the unknown that fulfills my need of belonging

It is the belonging that fulfills the need of the desire

The desire to succeed in this life time

My life time of truly becoming a higher being

The Anticipation of a life

A vision a truth

And the truth is locked deep inside

Waiting to be revealed to the inner self

The inner self is waiting to be presented

To the world

The universe

The higher sense

And finally presented to you

Living Life Vicariously Through Your Inner Child

We all have an inner child for me I call it my tiny voice within.  I discovered my inner child I think somewhere between the ages of 3 to 5.  Man those were the days!  I was so truly invincible!   I had no fear…no worries… no bills.  I was living my life in accordance to the laws of Dawn.  Or so I thought that I was.  Of course in my eyes I was the Queen of the Castle.  My castle was my bedroom that I had all by myself since I was the only girl in my family.  I didn’t have to share YAY!!! What made it even more special was that I could decorate it anyway that I wanted to and at that age I was up for the challenge.  I can’t say that everything matched but it was the way I wanted it to be and in my eyes it was absolutely perfect.  So… getting back to the Queen of the castle thing.  Well…as I would like to recall I was the QUEEN!  Queen Dawn I so liked to be called.  But then slowly but surely I realized that I wasn’t my mom was.  And believe you me she let me know that I was not in charge, not a queen or a princess or anything else of that fact.  Because to her that was not reality!  And now that I am thinking about it and it makes me smile!  I was shown the real…this is your room but it is not actually yours it is mine because I am the parent that provides for you!   So actually you are just borrowing it.  Gosh that is really harsh!!!  Is that reality?   YES it is young lady otherwise known as Dawn!  Should I have thought of it any different at that age?  Hmmm…well I am sure that I did but now that I think nope not at all.  That was not my house or my room!  The only thing that I had control of was my life.  And to be honest not even that.  Aren’t we are suppose to obey our parents no matter what?  That is what we are told right?  Does that mean even if we don’t agree?   Yes ma’am that is correct because you can’t make decisions at that age lol.   But you know what the older members of the tribe think that I cannot but I know I surely can.  Hey I came into this world and was born on my own so of course I can make decisions.   I am the Queen of my castle and the ruler of my world.  Ok let me retract my words… The higher power rules my world I have to give praise for that.  But the higher power gave me the most inquisitive mind ever!  Faith in the creation of me and hopes that I was to walk on the right path and cultivate my gift.  The gift that I possessed was very apparent in the earliest stages of life.  As I always had to talk, and talk and talk.  I always had something to say!  Tell a story and for sure be in the mix.  I was always in the meetings with the tribe aka quasi tribal council.   Everything that the tribe members wanted to discuss would take form and shape with me being there.  The chief would invite everyone over and most of the time it would take place on a holiday.  All the tribal members had to dress at their very best.  I am talking suits for the men and boys and dresses for the women and girls (YUCK)!!!  I use to look forward to it because I would be able to sit in my little chair and listen.  I would raise my hand to interject or ask a question and one the female members of the meeting told me (aka the meanest Aunt (JH) that ever lived) that children are to be seen and not heard.  Gosh…this is not Halloween and I am not dressed as a ghost so I know that they can see me!  So what is this seen and not heard thing?  I looked over at my mom and she would put her finger over her mouth which was a sign that says “Dawn be quite”!  I was thinking omg I have something to say and it is important I know that you all can see me.   If any of you know the look that is what she would give me so I would obey (didn’t really have a choice).  Believe me I didn’t like it at all!  I really, really, really wanted to go outside and play football or baseball with my brothers and cousins but guess what I had on a dress and slippery little dress shoes.  A quarterback would not be able to get down in that attire.  So, what did I have to do continue to sit there and listen and not talk?  That is very hard for a percousious child who has a very colorful imagination.  So I decided to have my own meeting with my own tribe otherwise known as my inner child.  Ok this was not an imaginary friend that is for kids (oh yeah I was one at the time) but very advanced!  Oh I so forgot to tell you I am a Gemini so that counts for 2 peeps made into one.  So you know that I was and still am on point!  I can see things in such a different perspective then the mere mortals (minions) that I deal with each and every day.  And another gift that I did acquire from the tribal meetings is that I learned to read lips man that is an awesome talent to have.  I knew everything that was going on and they had no clue.  LMAO!!!  To be gifted and talented is an awesome thing.  The higher power gave me gifts that made me into a Super Child.  I could write, read lips and tell stories.  The one thing that it didn’t protect me from was getting me in trouble when I would use my powers in a way to make suggestions to my mom and other members of the tribe.  How would my mother find out?   Well the other tribe members would rat me out.  But you know what it only made me brush up on my skills and figure out other ways kind of like a Dawn Bondish 007 type skills.   As I am writing this it makes me laugh because I think back to when I was a child and being again fearless and invincible.  Somehow the world and life begins to put their thoughts, ways and actions on me.  With that everyday process you know that in human pattern either you are going to accept it, negate it or both.  We take what we feel is good/bad and incorporate that into our lives and continue to add, build and grow into who we are today.

I will admit there were times in my life that I wanted to be like or resemble something or someone else because as we know we will think that life would be so much easier.   But, presently I would not trade any of my life experiences for anything in the world. I had to go through each and every step to be the best Dawn that I could be.  I am not talking in the forms of perfection as I am perfect in the higher power’s eyes otherwise why was I created?  I mean really the truth is the truth why would I think less of myself?  You may but I surely don’t!   I have something that I was born with that I am supposed to give to the world.   It is my messages whether it is in the form of physical, mental or verbal.  Words From The Soul my gift I was born with from Day 1.  I listened and embraced it in writing and in stories.  I would tuck it away and then come back to it when I felt like it.  Life gets in the way and then you pull it back out because you are comfortable with doing it and it makes you happy.  Hey Dawn~HELLO THIS IS YOUR GIFT!!!  As I recall a couple of years ago this began brewing inside of me like a volcano and I kept pushing it down!  Making excuses and doing everything but what I was supposed to be doing.  But as in all things if your gift is strong and you are open to what you were brought here for it will make a way to the forefront of your life.  Although your destiny is set upon birth (your map for life) you must make sure that you have it in hand.  So when you think about it your future is set you just have to find your way to it.  With choices and decisions, steps and journeys it is truly up to you.  I will say one thing if you gauge yourself by your Inner Child the fearless, invincible, fun individual that you are you will have lots of exciting adventures along the way!  You will have lots of fun!  So at this moment in life I am so excited to listen to my inner child because when I listen… that is when I am at the most happiest place and time in life.  I get to laugh at myself, act weird, nerdy just have lots of fun.  That is how life is supposed to be absolutely phenomenally fun!!!  I urge you to try this concept!   It changed my life and truly can change your life if you want it to. 

LIVE TO DREAM...DREAM TO LIVE!!!

Your Imagination Is Your Key!!!

Use The Key To Unlock The Door…To Your Best Life Ever!!!

All That YOU Have Envisioned It To Be!

Not Allowing Your PAST To Be Your Present

As the word PAST showed in my mind as big as an elephant in a tiny room my analytical mind began to ponder.  My big voice (me talking out loud) said why in the world would the word PAST be in/on my mind?  Then the tiny voice from above whispered to me “Dawn you know that you cannot move forward if you don’t exit and dispel the past”.  Gosh but the past seems such a long time ago (to be honest I thought it was gone already)!  But if it (the Past) is still within you it will seem like today. 

Everyone has a past so don’t think that you can escape it whether it is a positive/negative or a combination of both.  I will never be embarrassed of my past as I look at it as a map that leads me to today.  The most intriguing aspect of the word past is exactly what it is THE PAST when you say it; it gives you the feeling of going back in time. Like it was soooooo long ago!  As I let my mind wander I wondered if I in fact had any of the past crept into my present.  Do I have a full set of pastluggae (another word I made up) or just a piece or two?   Just imagine that from the first day that you are born after the 24 hours of your first breath that you take you have a past. 

My mind was going in circles because I began to go over not in a fanatical way but just wondering what parts were happy and which parts were sad.  I could feel myself smiling on certain thoughts and cringing on others.  But that teeny tiny voice reminded me that all of the PAST brought me to where I am today.  That was part of the journey!  Remember the map that we were given from the start.  The map that we probably detoured from time to time.  But it is those times that I think WOW how in the world did my past get me here to where I am today in the Middle East?  How did my map get me here?  I didn’t know that my map of life had all the countries of the world on it….I thought that my map was to be only the United States.  OMG wait a minute I recall a dream or two ok I will admit hundreds maybe even thousands where I had traveled all over the place!  I was mingling with so many cultures and I didn’t stand out of the crowd. I was a part of!   I belonged YAY!!!  How cool is that!  Me on lots of journeys that is amazing.  The dreams that I went on in my mind I surely was the VIP of traveling.  My passport had so many stamps and I was known as the coolest chick in the world.

What I also realized thanks to my Uncle Len is that I have to get rid of everything that connected me to those not so pleasant times otherwise known as...  Are you kidding me???  Are you talking about my shoe/purse collection GEESH!!!   Banana Republic had it going on with the Italian Leather shoes and purses!  Don’t get me wrong they were not cheap until they went on sale LMAO!  And what about my collection of clothes OMG I was the chicest woman around only the best for Dawn.  If you really know me you know that I am a JCREW GIRL!   I absolutely love them that was in the past and surely in my present.  Part of the traumatic time in my life (well it was to me) I knew that I had to recover that I could not let it hold me down or tear me apart of who I was and am DAWN.  So needless to say I had to remove all of the past to make room for the present.  And you know how it went down I gave them away (man it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it). Some damn body got a very sic wardrobe/accessories.  You know now that I think about it how many people would have done that!  Because I am going to be real it was so hard for me.

Some of you may think ok!  Well I would have taken what I wanted or thought I needed and took them with me on my new adventure.  Well as explained to me and the way of the world is if you are hurt or hurting due to something or someone that does not have your best interest at heart then you must remove yourself.  Now in the defense of another human being if they are selfish how do they know if are hurting you.  But more importantly do they really care?  Hmmmm... probably not because if they did they would stop right?  Or is it that if the silent voice would speak up then just maybe the light would brighten from being so very dim in which you could see your way out of it.   

Most people are ashamed of or prefer not to talk about the past!  For me I am not ashamed I am an open book (ok TAD also actions)!   My steps will never be like yours and I cannot prevent you from going in the same direction but I can tell my story.  My story is not to have you walk in my steps.  My steps are just a small segment of my movie that I am playing the lead in each and every day.    Please don’t think that I have a big head at all (stop laughing Khi) but I am very well versed in the part of Dawn (The beginning of).  If I had to cast someone to play me I am just thinking who would that be???

You know that I could have gone into detail on every single aspect of my past but why bother!  Would you look at me any different?  Would you say OMG she is almost like Mother Theresa real close to being a Saint?  Would you say that I am like Angela Davis (gosh my mom Hill-RIP) would not let me have an afro) I wonder why?  Oh I forgot as she would put it “I AM THE BOSS”.   I am so smiling because thank god she couldn’t read my mind because in my head I was like “yeah right for now”.    Or would you say that maybe in a previous life I was Martin Luther King (I know he is a man – hey you never know right and I did say previous) fighting for justice for all people?

But in the real life scenario you will say well that is just Dawn!  Believe you me I have been called many names in my life but I prefer to go by my name (smile)!!!  But just to let you in on a little secret my name was not going to be Dawn.  In the wee hours of the morning ….21 May as it would read in the history books.  The sky was the blackest of black and there was only one star in the sky!  As I am told that star became super bright at 3am when the new being took her first breath.  As the doctors and nurses were amazed at this new being’s presence (someone stated that she was the most beautiful baby that they ever saw)!  All continued to gaze the nurse asked to what name will you give this precious being!  As my mother and father’s eyes were so fixated on this precious gift they both were at a loss for words.  For what they discussed for the previous nine months that it took to make the perfect being neither one of them remembered the name!  So I know you are wondering what was the name that they had in mind. OMG it was HEATHER!!!   Can you see me being named Heather there is absolutely nothing wrong with the name I just can’t see me being named Heather.  But with the early morning, the beauty that was presented to the world...Dawn it is oh so fitting.   Gosh I think that maybe my mom and dad was in shock and my mom said what time is it?  Someone said 3am!  I could hear my mom saying damn it is really early in the morning!  Ok nurse I am ready to name her!  Her name is Dawn! LOL!  You know angles singing above with a full orchestra welcoming Dawn into the world.  Well I am special so that is my version of I how I came to be. 

Gosh that story will always make me smile…and the fact that the urban legend (NJ) is that I was found on the steps in a basket or that I am my aunt’s daughter (that is totally another posting). 

So you may be wondering how in the world did I start off with talking about the past, luggage etc.  Well to be honest that is when it all began!!!

But you would be proud to know that the PAST has finally been kicked off the Isle of Dawn!   Grab your torch and leave the island (ok I watch survivor a time or two).   Although never forgotten it is no longer in the forefront of my mind or my soul!  It is packed far, far away within my being.  I cannot deny that it will always be a part of me a chapter in my book of life!  An intense scene in the most awesome movie ever.  It just doesn’t make up who I am in this space and time and it never will.  

I am THANKFUL to be in the PRESENT fully MIND, BODY and Soul!!!