As the Black Swan swam into this realm…within reality holding enthusiasm and dreams in her heart somehow a decision was made to change the course of the existence or was it…
The most beautiful swan ever to arrive upon this earth was given life on 0914. Its vision was breath taking as so the story was told. I have the coolest recollections of my mom who guided and protected me in this world. Even though she was the mother figure to me I also had the combination of a lasting friendship. I was so blessed to have her be a part of my world and I continue to carry her spirit with me each and every day. As a young child I was so happy just to run around and be a kid which she encouraged. Not necessarily wearing dresses (lol) but that was part of the girl syndrome. It’s surely hard running around with one of those things on. Don’t get me wrong I am not opposed to them now but back then “omg” that stood in the way of my football, baseball and other things that girls as I was told just didn’t do. Early on I started to see that things were different between certain tribe members and my mom. Certain things were said that they thought I didn’t understand (surely they forgot I was a smart little cookie)! When she would walk out of the room the conversations would change to what they really wanted to express but didn’t have the gumption to say it to her face (RG & NG you know what I mean LOL). What they failed to realize was that I (the protector) was there and very advanced in my understanding and formulation of words. I had a really, really, (and I do mean) really good memory I noticed when she would arrive back the conversation would change and they would be back to talking about old times and laughing. As I sat there and analyzed each and every one of them I began to see the real side of some of them as I will refer to as “The Dark Side”. Of course you can imagine seeing me sitting there and the adults talking (my head was going back and forth like I was watching a tennis match). I am sitting on the couch and my skinny legs were long but not quite enough for my feet to reach the floor. As the words are forming like clouds hanging in the sky each and every one drifts over and into my head. I collected each and every cloud and stored it to analyze them in my quite times. My memory was so sharp and I was able to transcribe it onto paper and reviewed it when I was alone needless to say I never forgot. What I discovered was that they had created a secret society to the tune of the have and have not’s. It seemed that within this society it was determined by them who was successful, who wasn’t going to make it, who was the good children, the troublemakers and so on. It seemed as if they were the ones to create the future of the up and coming, along with the direction and guidance that was needed to get there. Even though they saw us as less, we knew that we were very fortunate. We had so much fun and love together and the main thing is that she had our backs no matter what and we had hers. What I decided is that the journey, movie or scenario that they (The Secret Society) wanted to play out was definitely not going to be a part of our world! No matter how hard she tried to fit in or be like them they had already cast their votes. I know now how it is so easy to get caught up whether it is family or friends. We want to belong! We want to be a part! We want to be! When do/did we realize that we must be who we are…not what others want you to be? Society never holds uniqueness or original as beauty. Do we judge by what the tribe members, society or the media sanctions or deems as what is? Or should it be what the eyes see?
Do not let others views or as I call it “Black Swan Syndrome” ostracize the perception of life for you. This syndrome basically is if you are not like, us, me or we then you are not looked favorably upon. Your being is cast into the abyss of life to fend for itself amongst the have’s! That surely cannot be how we are to live as a society is it?
For any of you who may have had the “Black Swan Syndrome” (male/female) know that no one can ever bring you down without you allowing it to happen. In actuality it doesn’t happen overnight. It is the small steps of depleting your power that eventually leaves you powerless. You never give your power away to people who don’t respect you or deserve to be connected to you! We have been such an ungrateful society that we need to get back to the basis in human compassion. When did it come to pass that we cannot see within ourselves that we all have struggled in some way? During that episode in life…was it that the person was supposed to endure this alone? Was there not anyone who noticed what was happening or wanted to intervene? Was this a form of internal negativity that muddied the waters of the lake that we lived in…but why? I know that we all are learning on this journey but part of being human is the appreciation of humanity, the love of the world and the gratitude of living within this universe!
I was able to come out of my syndrome the deepest, darkest shadows within! I am a Beautiful Black Swan and forever will be in my eyes (regal, elegant, timeless, chic and oh so classic) till the end. Part of the whole process for me was accepting who I am…the beautiful creation that the higher power created as Dawn. I just recently began not being so hard on myself, critical and analyzing everything for me to be the perfect Dawn for the world! We all know that is surely unattainable as in perfect. And to be honest what is considered as perfect?
What matters most is that I am the best Dawn for Dawn and my happiness! It was for me to realize that I am the queen of my own “internal” castle and for all that know me yes I love the finer things in life (wink)! For me NOW the finer thing are Spirituality, Health, Knowledge and Happiness (SHKH). With those attributes (SHKH) the very best life for Dawn is surely waiting for me. I was not able to give that to my mom due to me trying to live and finding myself as we all think that she would be with us forever.
I encourage you to not engage or initiate your, thoughts or ways on others if it is not going to uplift them! I know what it feels like to not be looked at as intelligent, smart, beautiful, etc. Negative words spoken or written are very powerful and I guess in my life that is why words became such a very big part of me. Because I knew right away how the tone, placement, emphasis of words, the expressions affected the Black Swan and her underlings…
I wasn’t really sure why the words “The Demise of a Beautiful Black Swan” came to me but once I began to write it became so apparent! It was to shine the light on something that I was carrying for so long of all that I had seen and heard. Maybe I didn’t experience a lot of fun things as maybe other children did. I was being groomed for my biggest journey in life and that is to help others. That is what I was told very early on and this gift I am using as a form of expression now. Did I blame myself and protected my brothers from this…”Yes” I did because I am strong and was put in a position to be. I obeyed my mom to the very end! Did I go through every emotion writing this yes. Each and every day I feel her presence. It is the love that I felt for her that I could not be selfish enough to say please stay because the journey that I took while looking in her eyes was a long, hard road that got longer with each and every step of the way. Do I miss you YES but I am happy that you no longer have to deal with the ills of the world. As you raised 3 human beings (Dawn, Scott & Noel) and we are examples of the hard work and the lights that shine bright in the world.
Happy Birthday Mommy - Love you dearly RIP! I am smiling because I know that your spirit is moving around freely experiencing the world on such a greater level!
